Collide
by holygoof101
Summary: Rachel Berry had spent the last 3 years trying to forget Finn Hudson, and now his name was going to be plastered all over New York City. Sometimes moving on isn't as easy as just telling yourself you've moved on. Finchel future fic
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own glee I just like to fast forward in the characters lives and see what happens occasional.

"With the 5th pick of the 2016 NFL Draft the New York Jets select Finn Hudson, Quarterback, Purdue."

A gasp fell from Rachel Berry's mouth, and in a shock her drink slipped out of her hand and came crashing to the floor as her attention immediately turned to the television. Everything around her seemed to freeze as she watched him hug his mother, before he made his way to the podium his face smiling back from the television as he held put on the green and white hat, before he held up the jersey for pictures.

"Rachel, Rachel," she could hear the sound of her name being called, but her entire body and her vocal chords felt frozen as she stared transfixed at the television screen. "Rachel I didn't know you cared so much about the NFL draft." A voice finally snapped her from her trance.

"I don't," she said as she shook her head and snapped herself back into reality, her voice shakyy as she took another glance at the screen to see him being interviewed, it was defiantly him. Even if for a moment she might have wanted to try to convince herself that there was another Finn Hudson in the world, the sound of his voice, the goofy smile on his face as they asked him how he felt at that moment. She had seen that look before, the night they won Nationals, she wondered if what he was feeling right then topped that moment. A chill slid through her body as she remembered the way he'd wrapped his arms around her when New Directions name was called. "I have to go," she said as she moved to put on her coat and quickly excused herself walking out of the bar.

The night air felt colder as she walked towards her apartment, and tried her best to digest what she had just seen. Everything in her head was spinning so fast she couldn't get a grip on her thoughts. He looked exactly the same, well except for the suit he had on it was far too nice for him to have picked out. She wondered for a minute if it had been Kurt who'd dressed him, of course it was Kurt who'd dressed him. There was no way Kurt was ever going to let someone related to him appear on national television looking anything but spectacular. And Finn had looked just that, spectacular. His hair been messy in all the right places, his tie perfectly matched to his suit, even the shoes he'd had on screamed Kurt. But the way his eyes danced, the smile on his face when he held up that jersey, his goofy stuttered response at the first post pick question he was asked, everything that mattered was all Finn. For a moment her heart had even pounded the way he always used to make it pound. Rachel swallowed a hard lump in her throat and fought back the tears that were begging to fight forward as she made her way up the four flights of stairs to her tiny apartment. She wanted to be able to tell herself that she hadn't thought about him in years, since the last time she'd seen him. But that wasn't true, she thought about him every day since. Every night when she tried to go to sleep she thought about him, all she had wanted to do at night was see his face, and not tonight it had stared right back at her from the television screen.

It took some time but her shakey hands finally managed to get the lock to her apartment open, the tiny space completely void of any light, which made Rachel let out a sigh of relief that her roommate was out and she wouldn't have to do any explaining tonight. In the dark she made her way across the living room and into her bedroom, undressing in the dark and turning on the small lamp at on her beside table only once she was finished getting ready for bed. The small light illuminated and Rachel looked long and hard at the twin bed at it's center. The twin bed she was about to crawl into so she could close her eyes and try to pretend that the latter part of the evening had never happened. Her eyes closed and a small tear fell from the corner of her left eye as she thought about her twin bed and how it wasn't suppose to be this way. The details of what she had heard tonight hadn't even begun to sink in, those were all thing she would deal with later. All she knew at that moment was it wasn't supposed to be this way. She wasn't supposed to be sharing her first real apartment with a roommate and about to crawl into a twin bed. This wasn't the way she'd planned it out, this wasn't the way she'd dreamt about it happening, this wasn't her dream and sometimes she wondered if it was even what she still wanted. She had told him before that her dreams were bigger than him, but somewhere along the line she had interagrated him into her life so much that he had become a part of her dreams, a part of her dreams that she had never replaced. With a deep breath Rachel squeezed her eyes closed and forced herself to keep from shedding another tear, as she crawling into her small twin bed. She rolled onto her side and looked out the window, the blinds half open allowing the glow of the street lights to shine in as she listened to the wind outside rattle the fire escape. Her eyes slipped closed as the images of earlier ran through her mind, she saw his face clear as day standing on the podium smiling in that hat as he held up the jersey, the images around him and his dress slowly morphed in her mind until everything was different and she saw them standing together at Nationals but the look on his face hadn't changed, if there was one thing she knew with all certainty it was that she may not have seen or spoken to him in three years but he was still the same Finn Hudson, her Finn Hudson and in her mind he always would be, nothing had changed.

What had just happened to him was something some guys dream about their whole lives and never have happen. Some guys would just kill to get the opportunity to play professional football regardless of a draft status. Finn Hudson wasn't sure when it became if his dream, he wasn't entirely sure that it had ever become his dream, it was more like an opportunity for a life he couldn't even dream of because it wasn't realistic. Dreams and ambition had always been a something he needed to work on. His attitude had always been more of a go with the flow, and the last few years it had been a never ending cycle of 'do this because it's what's best for your future.' He wasn't even sure he had anything to dream for anymore. He couldn't remember the last time he'd really wanted something to happen. The last time he was willing to fight to make something happen. Somewhere along the line he just lost his drive. He became of machine programmed on the 'do this because it's what's best for your future' cycle. It had been years since anyone had even bothered to ask him what he wanted, or if he was happy. But he wasn't going to complain because at least now he had a future and it was the kind of future some guys dream of their whole lives and very few every get.

The Draft had ended hours ago, Finn had been interviewed by what he was certain was every media outlet possible, he was beyond exhausted. He was overwhelmed, and he hadn't even had a chance to fully process what had just happened to his life. All he knew was that it was about to change in a way he couldn't even begin to imagine. He drew in a heavy breath as he loosened his tie and looked out at the stage of Radio City Music Hall, the NFL podium and back drop were still set up, and while he was sure all the other guys who got drafted would have been replaying their short moment on the stage in their minds that wasn't the imagine Finn saw. He shrugged off his jacket and made his way up the steps to the stage, he wondered if he still knew the steps, he knew that he still knew every word to the song but he wasn't about to get caught singing by some janitor, or even worse a news reporter that was still straggling around. He let his eyes glass over as he looked out at the empty seats, he would swear he could hear the crowd as they cheered and clapped. And when his eyes slipped closed he was certain that he still knew exactly what it felt like when she wrapped her arms around him at the end of the number. He knew they were going to win, he hadn't had a doubt in his mind, sometimes he hated his sensory memory, the smell of her hair seemed to fill his nose, and the way she felt against him tingled through out his body as his skin rippled reliving her touch.

"Hudson, what are you still doing here? You just had the biggest thing in your life happen to you, you should be out celebrating with your friends and family right now."

"Hey Jimmy," his eyes flew open as he turned towards the sound of his agents voice. "Yea I was just finishing up a couple of interviews, I'm going to meet up with everyone at some fancy restaurant in a little bit." He said as his voice oozed with shock and melancholy.

"So what are you doing back on the stage kid, relieving holding up that jersey because if you want to do that you can just go turn on ESPN." His agent laughed and slapped his hand across Finn's back.

Finn laughed slightly and shook his head, "No, I was relieving the other time I was on this stage, just some old high school memory." He said shrugging off the topic before Jimmy started to ask for an explanation. "I don't think today has quite sunk in yet."

"It usually takes a couple of days to sink. 70 million with 36 of it guaranteed it's a big number for anyone to have to let sink in. You ready to be a New Yorker for at least the next six year?"

Finn cocked his head back, that thought hadn't even occurred to him. He was going to be a New Yorker, sure he would have time to go back and spend in Ohio, but for the good majority of his year he was going to be a New Yorker. A small half smile crept up on his lips, it was one that read bittersweet. Living in New York was a dream he'd given up years ago, one he'd tried to let go of. And now he was going to be a New Yorker, he was going to have an address that ended with a New York zip code, and maybe even a phone with a New York area code. Those had been things that at a time in his life he had wanted to happen more than anything, but they weren't suppose to happen this way. He raised his head and nodded at Jimmy in an affirming manner, "I am but first, I need a favor."

A/N: I've had a few images rolling around in my head for a while and I really wanted to start a new multi chapter as I miss letting Finn and Rachel (Rachel Berry by the way is very difficult to write) write the stories for me, so volia here we go on a new adventure. Oh and I deseperately need a beta for all my fics if anyone wants to put in an application for that job


	2. Chapter 1

His name was about to be all over New York City again. The day after the draft she had promptly enforced a ban on ESPN or any sports related media outlet on any television in the apartment. But it was days after the draft before every time she looked at a newspaper or turned on the news she had to hear it. Rachel Berry had months to get used to the idea that Finn Hudson's name was going to be one she heard often from the months of August to at least January for the next several years, but that didn't mean she'd actually gotten used to or ever full prepared herself for the idea. Now those months had passed and train camp was due to start soon. His name and face was about to be all over New York City again and there was nothing she was going to be able to do to stop it, or even avoid it. Rachel Berry was never unprepared, unless it came to Finn Hudson and when it came to Finn Hudson she was always unprepared, he was the only person who had ever been able to make her come completely undone.

All she wanted to do was stay locked in her room watching old movies and forgetting there was even such a thing as football, and today that was exactly what she had planned. Until there was a light knock on her bedroom that abruptly removed Rachel's attention from her movie and drew her attention to the door, "Come in?"

"Rachel," her friend and roommate Tina Cohen-Chang pushed the door open and shook her head as she saw Rachel lying in the middle of her bed watching Breakfast at Tiffany's for what must have been the fifth time that week. "Mike is coming over and wants to know if there's still a ban on ESPN in the apartment or if he can watch the baseball game?"

Rachel shot Tina a look and sat up in her bed, "Tell Mike yes there is a standing ban on ESPN or any sports related television in this house for at least the next six years, possible longer." She snapped and then let out a sigh, "Training camp starts next week, rookies report in five days, I only know this because I overheard one of the producers at my audition yesterday talking about it."

Tina tilted her, "You overheard a producer talking about it? At your audition? I know how you get with auditions, if it's not related to the part you're not paying attention." She had known Rachel since high school and the two of them had been roommates for almost a year, she knew Rachel as well as anyone and she knew there was no way that Rachel had overheard anything. In fact she knew as well as anyone that the day after she found out the Jets had drafted Finn, Rachel had started looking up the dates for training camp and rookie workouts and anything else that might bring Finn to New York. She still wasn't completely sure if Rachel wanted to completely avoid him or hoped to run into him. But one thing she knew for sure is that had known long before her audition when Finn was going to have to report to the team.

Rachel let out an another deep sigh and then shook her head, "His picture was on the paper again, small picture in the top left hand corner. That same damn picture they've been running of him at Radio City holding up that damn Jets jersey. I didn't buy the paper this time, so that's progress." She said in a sarcastic manner as she closed her eyes and rung her hands together. "That damn picture was plastered all over everything for days after the draft; it was huge and front page the next day. But why did it have to be New York and why does he have to look so damn happy." she said in an exasperated voice as she shook her head and straightened up her posture. "It's not that I don't want him happy it's just…"

Now Tina knew the answer to her question, Rachel wasn't really trying to completely avoid Finn, she wanted to run into him, she wanted to see him; even though she knew Rachel wasn't about to ever admit it."That you were supposed to be in New York together and happy here together," Tina said both as a finishing thought to her sentence and a question.

"Yes we were," she let out a deep breath. "I guess I should be glad it's a big city and the chances we'll run into each other are slim to none, especially with him being the big shot Quarterback, he's probably already got some celebrity super model girlfriend here waiting on him."

Tina shook her head, the way Rachel's voice fluxed with the statement she just made confused Tina's earlier assumption about Rachel's concern over her ex boyfriend. She was defiantly hoping to run into him, but she was just as much as she was hoping to avoid him. It was a double edged sword that Rachel was going to have to walk and figure out for herself. But Tina refused to give into the self deprecating statement Rachel had just made and leaned against the doorframe giving a laugh instead of biting on Rachel's bait, "Finn could never date a super model, he needs someone smarter than him around. Could you even imagine him dating a model, they'd end up getting lost and mugged in the South Bronx looking at apartments because Finn thought the name was cool."

Rachel cracked her first smile over the situation and even let out a small laugh, "My god I hope he's got someone who's been living here a while to show him around." She paused and let out another soft defeated sigh. She wished she could be the one to show him around, she knew somewhere inside her that it probably would have been as easy as a phone call to his mother and she'd have a phone number for him but when she thought about actually doing that she had no clue what she would say to Carol, or to Finn. Rachel knew he was happy, she could tell by his smile in the picture that stared her in the face over and over, and she wasn't going to intrude on his happiness just to satisfy her own need to find out what had gone on in his life and establish areas and places in New York for him to avoid as where they would not have to run into each other. She wanted him to be happy; it was just that a part of her wanted him still to be happy with her. As she looked up for her reminiscent thoughts of what should have been she met her roommates concern eyes and pressed a smile, "Tina," her voice was meek and timid, "Tell Mike the ESPN ban is off, and he can watch sports here again." If his name was going to be plastered all over New York City, then she might as well start dealing with it.

xxxx xxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x

The dust flew everywhere as Finn Hudson gave a sharp blow onto the picture frame that sat upon his desk at his mother and step father's house. He wasn't sure how long it'd been since anyone but him had bothered to look at the picture. Months, years, maybe, but the lines his finger traced along the glass could clearly be seen in through the remnants of dust that remained. Over two years since he'd spent any significant time in his old room, and his mom was a stickler for the sentiment of leaving things exactly the way he'd left them. At least that was his explanation for why so much dust had collected. He did want to admit that he was the one who truly left it untouched, he didn't want to admit that he was the one who had left that picture as a fixture where it would greet him every time he walked into the room. The bedazzled frame glared back at him at he finished removing the dust and stared at it. It was one of the happiest moments of his life. Back when he was a teenager, naïve and innocent to the world around him. Back when he had dreams and knew what they were, back when she was his everything. Back when if there was anything in the world he knew it was that he loved her.

A half smile cracked his face as he stared at the picture, he remembered the day he took it, it was one of the last pictures they'd taken together. There wasn't any special about the day, it was in the spring of their freshman year of college. It was a Saturday that she had come back home from Cincinnati, they had spent most of the day hanging at his house enjoying each other's company, watching movies and laying around in his bed. They had been laughing at nothing in particular, just the giddiness of being together, she was giggling and peppering his face in playful kisses and when she planted her lips firmly against his cheek he had reached into the air and snapped the picture. Her eyes were pressed tightly closed and though her lips were tightly puckers against his cheek, a laughing smile could be made out in the corners of her pucker. The look on his face was goofy and filled with joy, his eyes crinkled at their corners as his mouth hung open in a laugh. Everything about that picture emoted happiness, a happiness he hadn't felt in a long time. As he stared at the picture he got lost in the memory losing himself back in the moment.

"Your room is not going to pack itself," Kurt's voice called from the doorway pulling Finn out of his memory and shattering the look of melancholy happiness on his face.

Finn shook his head and blinked at the picture a few times before he snapped out of his daze, "Yea," he stuttered and sighed, "I'm getting there, it's just going through all this old stuff, I'm not sure what to pack and what to leave. What do you put in your own place you know?" He shrugged and put the picture back down on his desk.

Kurt raised an eyebrow and walked deeper into Finn's room, making his way over to the desk and picking the picture up. He studied it for a moment, looking back and forth from the picture to Finn for a moment, "Have you dealt with the fact that the Jets are in New York, where," Kurt paused and nodded down to the picture, "Where the one that got away is?"

Finn's half smile curled up in a scoffed manner as he shook his head, "I'm twenty two, isn't it a little bit early to be calling girls, 'the one who got away?' Besides," he paused and looked down at the ground contemplating where or not he should reveal the next piece of information to Kurt. As a sharp sigh left his lungs he took a seat on the edge of his bed and looked up to Kurt, "Besides she's not in New York anyway." His voice sounding almost sad and defeated.

Kurt put a hand on his hip and cocked his head to one side in a questioning manner, "Finn…" He drug out Finn's name as question as it left his lips.

"When I was in New York for the draft," Finn rubbed his hands together and cracked his knuckles. He was never sure what to do with his hands during awkward moments, and having to admit these actions to his step brother was certainly an awkward moment. "When I was in New York for the draft, after it was over and I knew I was going to the Jets, which is pretty much where I knew I was going anyway, it's where I was hoping to go. But while I was there after the interviews were over and everything had died down I asked Jimmy to use his connections to look her up. Get me an address or a phone number or anything."

"And how exactly did you explain creepy stalker like behavior to your agent?"

His eyes looked up from their fixed point on the ground and met Kurt's as he gave a bittersweet half shrug. "I didn't tell him who she was. Said she was an old friend from high school and I was pretty sure she was in New York. But she's not. He said there was no listing of any kind for a Rachel Berry anywhere in the metro area. He said he even checked into New Jersey for me." Sometime while Finn was talking Kurt had pulled the chair out from the desk and sat down so they were now eye level and urged him to continue on. "I knew she had to be in New York, there's no way she didn't make it there by now, or at least that's what I thought. I just wanted to… I don't know see how she was doing; find out what she had been up too. It's not like I want to get back with her or anything. It's been a long time and we're different people than we were, but…"

"If Rachel Berry is not in New York then there is no way she is still the same Rachel Berry you fell in love with," Kurt said shaking his head in shock. Finn was right, there was no way she hadn't made it to New York by now, not the Rachel they'd known, it was all she'd ever wanted. Well New York and Finn. Kurt wondered for a moment what would have stopped her from going, or if she went and didn't make it. Another thought he knew was completely off the target, there's no way Rachel Berry wouldn't have made it in New York, and even if she hadn't made it yet, there was no way she'd have ever stopped trying once she got there.

Finn noticed the look of bewilderment on Kurt's face and the thoughts running through his head that reflected out from his eyes. He nodded at Kurt in agreement, "Yea I can't even imagine Rachel not in New York." He gave another half shrug.

"Well at least you don't run any chance of running into her now, I mean New York's a huge city and there was really slim to none chance you were going to just bump into her on the street anyway but if that's something you were worried about that should ease your mind." He watched as Finn's face dropped slightly at his words, he was never going to verbally admit it but Finn's eyes said it all, he was actually disappointed by the idea that he ran no chance of running into her. A part of Kurt wondered if Rachel hadn't been a part of the reason that Finn had lobbied himself so hard to the Jets. "Things happen for a reason Finn. Even though you may think you're in control of your life, you're not. The choice we make the places we end up, who we end up with, it's all part of this big plan, this big collision course called fate. What's suppose to happen with happen, and we're just along for the ride. And eventually we get where it wants us to be with the place and the right person and the right time and we just… collide."

A/N: Thanks to those following, reviewing, and adding this to their favorites, it's very encouraging. I still have no beta, so anyone interested message me and it's extremely late here so please forgive any mistake but I've finally got this story rolling in my head so chapters will hopefully becoming fairly quick.


	3. Chapter 2

Frenzy was the only word Finn could even begin to think of to describe the atmosphere around him once his plane touched down in New York. He had spent the entire flight trying to prepare himself for the reception he would receive at the airport, he figured a few fans hanging out, maybe a couple of 'Welcome to The Jets' signs, things he had seen when big players were coming to a new teams. What he got wasn't at all what he expected; there were hundreds, maybe even over a thousand fans waiting on his arrival. All the flash bulbs, calls of his name, chants of J-E-T-S, it was like his brain couldn't even focus. Everything was fuzzy and a blurry as he maneuvered through the crowd trying to sign anything that was thrust out at him. He had felt some hype in college but nothing like this, if he had thought his entire life had changed before, now with this reception he knew his life was forever changed. And all of that just added to the pressure. Handling pressure was something Finn had gotten better at over the years, sure he still constantly felt like someone always wanted something from him but he had accepted that it was going to be like that as long as he played football.

It took him over an hour to get through the airport and to the car waiting on him, and it wasn't until he got into the car and greeted his friend and team mate Dustin that Finn even managed to catch his breath. Dustin was a veteran tight end in the league headed into his 9th season, he was also a Purdue graduate and former 1st round Jets pick himself. But more importantly he was Finn's friend. The only friend Finn had in New York as far as he was concerned. They had met in the spring two years earlier when Finn first enrolled at Purdue to play football. Dustin being a Purdue graduate often trained and worked out there during the offseason, Finn hadn't had much of a clue who he was when they first met but they quickly developed a friendship that went far beyond football. Finn trusted Dustin, and trust wasn't something that came easy for Finn. So having Dustin around was going to make his adjustment to this life much easier.

"You okay Kid?" Dustin raised an eyebrow at him. "You look a little disoriented."

Finn scoffed out a half smile and shook his head, "Whoa," he said in an exasperated voice. "You could have warned me it was going to be like this."

Dustin grinned and cocked an eyebrow, "But if I'd have warned you, you wouldn't have believed me. Plus I wouldn't have been able to gauge your reaction and that's a very important step to all of this."

"Gauge my reaction? What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

"It means I wanted to see how you reacted to all of this, Hudson. You're the new fucking messiah as far as a lot of people are concerned; you got a lot of people expecting big things from you. And now there's a lot of dollar signs going along with those expectations. I know how I felt coming into the league; it's enough to break people. And I need to make sure you can handle it without breaking."

Finn nodded at his friend and drew in a breath, "It's overwhelming that's for sure. I'm glad I showed up a couple of days early so I've got some time to wrap my head around everything before coach, you and the rest of the team is riding my ass every day." He said with a breathy laugh, "I just want to chill out for the next couple of days and get used to being in New York; it'd be nice if the renovations on my apartment were ready and I wasn't going to be living in a hotel for the next two weeks but you win some you lose some."

"Chill out?" Dustin said with a sly grin, "Well that's not going to happen tonight Rookie," there was a look of deviousness glint in the back of Dustin's eye as their car came to a stop. "I got a surprise for you."

Finn cocked his head to one side and watched as Dustin got out of the car, they were parked in front of a restaurant, one Finn had never heard of and one he wasn't sure he wanted to go into. "You know Dustin, I'm not really hungry, I kinda just want to go to my hotel and chill."

"Not happening, get out of the car, you're a Jet and we're gonna welcome you to this teams the same way we welcome everyone, the same way I got welcomed in. Come on Rookie, just take it like a man and get it over with, it's painless I promise." He teased and watched as Finn hesistantly got out of the car.

Finn wasn't naïve to the rookie hazing that a lot of teams within the NFL did. Something about this moment felt like high school though, he had a brief flashback to Puck and the rest of the football team attacking him with paint balls. He certainly didn't want to get attached with paint balls inside a nice restaurant or get his head shaved into a weird look he couldn't rock like he'd seen done to Tim Tebow way back when he was a rookie. His throat lumped up, as he tried to laugh through it and follow Dustin into the restaurant. "You know you could have warned me about this."

"What the fun in that?" Dustin said as he lead Finn into a private room of the restaurant filled with about ten of the other Jets veterans, all guys he knew or at least knew of, and all of them seemingly nice as the stood up one by one to properly introduce themselves to Finn. "Besides rookie," Dustin said as he slapped Finn on the back and pushed him into a chair, "This isn't your actual hazing, that comes the first day of training camp, this is just a welcome gift, mainly for us." He grinned and turned his attention to everyone at the table. "So I've known Finn here for a couple of years, some of you guys have known him a few months and a couple of you just met him for the first time. But the point is everyone knows Finn, we've all seen his tape, we know he's got a rocket for an arm, and we're all pretty confident that he's gonna lead the way for us to finally take the Jets back to the Super Bowl…"

Finn took a hard swallow as he listened to Dustin talked, he had absolutely no clue was what coming next or where all of this was going, but just hearing the words Super Bowl made his mouth go dry and bring the realization of exactly what was expected of him. It was a thought, an idea, a pressure he was going to have to get used to. Something he was going to have to man up for, something deep down inside he wasn't sure he was ready for. His internal robot programmed on 'do this because it's what's best for your future,' was going to have to find a new setting. The words Super Bowl made him realize that he was going to have to stop going through the motions and find his passion for life again. It was an unsettling thought, one that he tried to push away as he went back to listening to Dustin speak.

"…So I need everyone to please turn their attention to this screen right here," Dustin turned back and held his hand out toward the white projector screen that had been pulled down. Finn wasn't sure how he could have not noticed it when he sat down, but he knew for sure whatever was about to be shown on that projector screen wasn't going to be good for him. "And I'm going to show you the other side of our super star quarterback."

The lights in the room went dark and a slightly grainy video began playing against the background. Finn's name flashed across a video of him taking a nasty sack during his days of playing Junior College football, then another sack clip, followed by a clip of him scrambling and tripping over his own feet. This wasn't going to be too bad he; it's just an embarrassing video of some of his worst highlights. Sure it didn't exactly make him look good to his team mates but it wasn't anything embarrassing he thought. And it was just as the thought crossed his mind that he heard the song, Finn closed his eyes and prayed for a second that this wasn't really happening. But then his voice clear as days came through singing the opening lines to Don't Stop Believing, he groaned as he felt his cheeks get red. His days from Glee club weren't something he was necessarily embarrassed about, but he certainly didn't want to be watching footage with a bunch of his new team mates, another flash back of how he was treated for joining Glee club in high school, went through his mind as he heard a couple of the guys chuckle. A lump formed in the back of his throat and for a moment he thought about getting up and bailing as fast as he could from the room, but he knew that wasn't going to make any better of an impression. His eyes were tightly closed and his jaw clenched as the video played and his entire body grew more tense with each passing note, but on a seconds notice he felt the tense leave his body and through all the thoughts and images and scenarios that were running through his mind, her voice cut through. Like a knife to his heart cutting open every emotion he'd ever felt. Emotions for Glee, emotions for football, emotions for her. Emotions for her.

Finn raised his head and opened his eyes, fixating them on the screen as he watched her move and sing with him. A crooked half smile came across his face and as he watched he remembered why he'd stayed in Glee club despite the peer pressure and taunting from the other football players. He remembered why he hadn't been embarrassed about it, and as he watched himself on that screen singing with her, his heart did an odd extra beat and he remembered what it was like to be truly happy. He remembered what it was like to have passion for something. Dustin might have been trying to embarrass him and haze him a little bit, but what he didn't realize was that he had done Finn, and the entire Jets team for that matter a huge favor.

As the video ended the guys in the room burst out into a loud round of applause and whistles, the ones sitting nearest to him slapping him on the back. "So who's the hottie with the voice Rookie? You two looked awfully cozy." One of the guys around the table jokingly called out.

Finn felt his cheeks grow redder, "Her name was Rachel and we were, cozy. She was my high school sweetheart," he said with a slightly shrug, "Dated for a little over three years before she dumped me. But that's an old story." He said quickly to shrug off the topic before anyone asked anymore question. He had already felt the flood of unresolved emotions for Rachel break through when her voice was the only thing that had managed to cut through his fear and self doubt. But those emotions weren't something he wanted to deal with tonight and he certainly did want to deal with them around a bunch of guys he barely knew. But at least he didn't have to worry about her being in New York and them bumping into each other, he reassured himself and reminded himself that he had checked long before he moved there.

"Well Rookie," Dustin said taking control of the room with his voice again, "That's not the only surprise we've got for you." Again he shot Finn a devious smirk, "You're not getting off just as easy as showing some video," he raised a drink and tilted it towards Finn in a toasting manner. "Tonight, we're going to karaoke and you're gonna sing." He hung his tongue out at Finn then threw back his drink.

Finn closed his eyes and shook his head, he hadn't sang in public in years and the last thing he wanted was a video of him doing karaoke in a bar on youtube. But he knew there was no getting out of it, those guys had decided well before he got there how that night was going to play out and if Finn was anything he was a good sport. He picked his drink up and tilted it back at Dustin, "Bring it," he said before he knocked it back. Tonight was about to get really interesting.


	4. Chapter 3

The blare of a ringing cell phone abruptly woke Finn from his sleep as he groaned, and slowly became aware of his extremely dry mouth and pounding head. The night was a blur; there was food, and video of him in glee club, and alcohol and Rachel. Rachel! His eye shot open as the events from the night flooded into his memory and assaulted his thoughts with their presence demanding he remember and acknowledge them.

_The video of him singing with glee wasn't something that embarrassed him nearly as much as Dustin and his other team mates had expected. The thought of singing karaoke in a crowded bar where it could easily end up in the New York Times gossip column however did unsettled him. He knew that as the new Quarterback for the Jets he was going to be in the limelight but he wanted to stay as low key as he possibly could. He wanted some shot at being normal and going fairly unnoticed in the city. Dustin had assure him that they were going just down the street to a local bar where no one would be treated like a celebrity and his singing would go as unnoticed as possible. _

_ "It's a local place, lots of the big theatre stars around here go there for karaoke all the time, trust me a few drunk football players will not be the star attraction by any means, so don't think for a second we're letting you get out of singing for us Hudson." Dustin hung his tongue out and slapped Finn on the back as he pushed open the bars door and lead the way inside. _

_ The bar was dark, not even the small stage where someone assaulting his ears with a terribly drunken and off pitch version of Picture. Dustin thrust a beer into Finn's had as their group sat down at a table, Finn cringed as one of the singers tried in vain to hit a note far too high for her voice, "When you said theatre people came here to sing I expected it at least to be good." _

_ Dustin laughed and pointed to Finn's beer, "It gets better, just drink up Glee boy. You might wanna go take a look at the big book of songs to figure out what you're going to treat us too."_

_ Finn laughed and shook his head, sighing thankfully to himself as the couple exited to stage. He didn't pay attention when the DJ called her to the stage, in fact he was so entertained by the rowdy behavior of his team mates that he didn't even look in the direction of the stage to notice her until the first notes of the song came from her mouth. He would have known that voice anywhere, especially tonight when it had been what cut through his emotions and got to him. His head shot up and he stared mesmerized his team mates drowned out as a million thoughts, emotions and questions tried to race through his head but just for a moment he didn't allow the shock and awe get through and he sat staring and completely mesmerized by her voice. He couldn't make her out that clearly in the dim light but he knew he was still beautiful, even through the haze of alcohol in his brain she was still beautiful. And alcohol he was sure was exactly what fueled his next actions as before he knew it he was standing with the DJ in the corner and insisting that he had to go next, that his song had to be started the second hers ended before she had a chance to get off the stage. He wasn't exactly sure what he did to convince the DJ into doing this, he's was pretty sure he used the line 'I'm the Quarterback for the New York Jets,' but he didn't care he was willing to do whatever it took because he knew Rachel, and the element of surprise was going to be the only thing that work. Finn stood quietly behind her hidden in the shadows and just as promised as soon as her song ended his began, she didn't even have time to hang the microphone up before his music started and he stepped on stage singing the opening notes of the song, with her back turned to him, he reached out and grabbed her by the arm spinning her around to face him as a gasp of shock feel from her mouth just as he began to sing, a unmistakable intense look in his eyes._

_ "I feel a hunger. It's a hunger that tries to keep a man awake at night. Are you the answer? I shouldn't wonder when I feel you whet my appetite. With all the power you're releasing. It isn't safe to walk the city streets alone. Anticipation is running through me. Let's find the key and turn this engine on." His hand held her wrist tightly as he sang the words never taking his eyes away from hers, seeing the conflict within her eyes, she looked as if she wanted to run, but was frozen in shock, and somewhere deep within in him he could see that there was at least some part of her that would never run from him. "I can feel you breathe. I can feel your heartbeat faster…" As he sang the words he moved her hand to his chest placing it right over his heart and laying his on top of it to hold it there. He wanted her to feel the emotions he had coursing through him, something he didn't know how to express in any other way. "__**Take me home tonight**__. I don't want to let you go till you see the light! __**Take me home tonight**__. Listen honey just like Ronnie sang," His face broke out into a smile as Rachel lifted the microphone to her lips and sang the next line, "Be my little baby."_

_ God it felt good to sing with her again, and once the lines of the song left her lips Finn felt himself relax a little and let go of her hand that he had been tightly gripping since he walked onto the stage. Now he circled around her as he sang, almost as if he was stalking her, trying to make sure she felt the emotions he was emoting as he sang the song, not to a room full of people, or to his team mates who he'd forgotten all about the moment he heard her voice, he was singing to her, everything else that his mind wanted to ask or force through could wait, right now he was sing to her. And by the look in her eyes, and the coy smile she was trying to hide from him, he could tell she knew it. "I get frightened in all this darkness. I get nightmares, I hate to sleep alone. I need some company. A guardian angel to keep me warm when the cold winds blow. I can feel you breathe. I can feel your heartbeat faster," this time instead of placing her hand on his chest, he walked up and placed his hand over her hear, he wasn't trying to grope her or cop a cheap feel, the way he set his hand on her was almost like he was asking a question. And he got all the answers he needed by the way her heart pounded against his palm. She didn't hesitant to finish singing the song with him, and when it started coming to an end, he pressed her hand back to his chest and he looked down at her with eyes full of intensity and desire. Her eyes met his and at that moment he knew it was still there, the connection, time and breakup be damned, he had never felt this way about anyone but Rachel Berry, and now she was standing in front of him. _

_ But just as quickly as it started there four minutes on stage lost in their own world was over. Finn barely had time to process the music ending before Rachel ran off stage, leaving him standing there dumbstruck. He was sure he looked like an idiot as he stood motionless with his mouth hung up. It felt like hours that he was up there but in reality it only took him seconds to chase after her as he saw the bar door open and her quickly rushing out. He didn't stop to talk to his team mates or find out who she had been with, he now wasn't the time, he didn't even have enough time to thinking clearly and figure out what he was going to say to her, he merely chased after her, rushing out the door and looking down each way of the side walk until he saw her hailing a cab. Instinct kicked in and he ran as fast as he could slamming the cab door shut before she had a chance to get in, "No." He said in a gruff voice then waved the driver off. "No." He turned back to her and gripped her wrist lightly to stop her from running away. "You don't get to run away from me Rachel."_

_ "I am a grown woman, Finn Hudson and you get no say so what so ever in what I can and can't do." She spat back at him. "Go back to bar and go back to your friends or whatever bimbo I'm sure was crawling all over you and let me go. I had no idea you were in New York already and I had no idea I was going to run into you and if I had I would have stayed at home."_

_ "What are you even doing in New York?" He said in a confused voice, still hanging on to her wrist."_

_ "What am I doing in New York? I've been living in New York for a year now thank you very much, and if you had cared enough to chase me out of some bar then you should know that. Now if you will please let go of me, I'd like to go home." She tried to wiggle her wrist from his grip in a frustrated manner._

_ He dropped his grasp on her and threw his hands up in the air, "What are you talking about I tried to find you months ago when I was here for the draft, you were listed anywhere in the fucking tri-state area so don't blame me for not trying." He realized that he was standing on the street with Rachel Berry tossing his hands up and he probably looked like a raving lunatic. "I tried to find you," he said lowering his voice and stepping closer to her, "And you can try to run from me but what just happened on that stage, you felt it too, I could feel it coming from you. You decided we were over Rachel, I didn't, and from what I just felt I don't believe we've ever been over." His words came out low and deep almost in a growl of passion, he knew he was probably speaking nonsense but he wasn't about to just let her get away from him so easily again and he wasn't about to let this moment pass. All rational thought flew out of his brain as he grabbed her by the arms and pulled her against him crushing his lips down onto hers. There was resistance at first, he felt her tiny fists hit against his chest and her body try to wiggle away from him. But the resistance quickly faded away and she melted into the kiss. He knew he hadn't been imagining what happened on that stage. His heart pounding in his chest and everything around him was spinning except her and the feel of her in his arms again, her lips on his again, the way she felt, everything about him was lost in Rachel Berry and he wanted to stay lost in her forever. _

_ "No," she tore herself away from his lips, only to have them crash back down on hers. He wasn't letting this moment end; he wasn't going to allow her to get away this time. But she fought him again and broke away from the kiss, "I don't mean no, but I won't be the girl caught on the street making out with the Jets Quarterback, I won't be that girl." She said sharply as she stuck her hand out to hail a cab, opening the door and pulling him in behind her, "Where is your place?" Finn grinned and gave the driver the address to the hotel that was his temporary home._

_The cab ride to his hotel was the longest ride of his life. They didn't touch until they were inside the hotel, and she allowed him to take her hand as a means to guide her through. And they were silent, actually there was no conversation for the rest of the night because as soon as he unlocked the door to his room, it was all a tangle of limps and lips and clothes…_

Finn shook himself from his daze of remembering the night before and looked around as the blare of his phone still echoed through the room, he picked it up and glanced long enough to see Dustin's name on the ID, before he put it back down and began inspecting his space. His clothes were everywhere but hers were nowhere to be found, in fact there wasn't even a sign that anyone but him had ever been in the room. His mind raced and flooded with a thousand thoughts, for a moment he wondered if maybe he had even imagined what had happened the night before, but he knew without a doubt that wasn't the case because as soon as he sat down on his bed her scent still lingered on sheets. He would have known that scent anywhere and again he wanted to lose himself in it, he wanted to lose himself in her again but she was gone. Completely gone without a trace, no note, no number, nothing. He gave a defeated sigh, at least now he knew she was in New York, he thought trying to let his brain catch up with everything that had happened only to have his thoughts snapped by the ringing of his phone again, this time he answered.

"Hey Rookie, you have a good night?" Dustin laughed on the other end of the line.

"My head hurts and I'm hung over," Finn grumbled.

"Yea that's what alcohol does when you drink too much, though with you I'm not sure it was the drinking, you certainly chased that girl out of the bar as fast as you could… That was the girl from the video wasn't it? You two sure had some… heat up there." He chuckled slightly.

"Yeah," Finn answered not wanting to elaborate on the subject too much knowing that with the way he'd acted the night before he was going to have to at least explain somewhat to Dustin. "I hadn't seen her in three years, she broke up with me right around the time Purdue started recruiting me. She called me one night late it was like one or two in the morning and told me that she could do better and she didn't want to be with me anymore." He scoffed and closed his eyes trying to fight back the stinging in her chest and eyes the memory of those words brought up. "I didn't even know she was in New York."

"Sounds tragic," Dustin said with a slight hint of sarcasm. "And I'm sure there's more to the story then you really want to tell right now. You forget I know you pretty well Hudson and I know when your voice says leave it alone, so I'm gonna leave it alone. I just wanted to tell you that after you bailed from the bar, I met someone there who said he knew you. Some guy named Mike Chang said you two played together in high school left me a number if you want it."

"Yea I want it dude." Finn's face lit up, Mike Chang; he hadn't seen Mike Chang in years, even longer than it'd been since he'd seen Rachel. Rachel, Mike Chang, the names all clicked together in his head. She had been at the bar with Mike Chang, there's no way that was just a coincidence. Rachel might have tried to disappear from his life again without a trace, but he wasn't going to let that happen. He was going to find her come hell or high water, and now he knew exactly where to start.

A/N: This chapter was really hard to write because it played out so well in my head; however it was incredibly difficult to get what was in my head to translate onto paper the way I wanted it too. Hopefully it came out well enough to everyone's liking. The song used it Take Me Home Tonight by Eddie Money. And don't hate Rachel just yet there's more to the break up then the tiny bit revealed in this chapter. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	5. Chapter 4

The sun had barely come up by the time Rachel drug herself up the four flights of stairs to her apartment. She prayed it was early enough that Tina and Mike would still be sleeping; she knew she was going to have to explain but she wanted to sleep off her headache and digest what had happened the night before, before she did any kind of explaining. It had been hard to leave him that morning, he had been there in the bed with her sleeping so peaceful, his long legs tangled in with hers, his arm draped across her body as if he was trying to hold her in place. She closed her eyes and stopped on the third floor to catch her breath as she thought about him. Why did he have to show up at her bar, the bar she went to every Wednesday and Friday night, there were hundreds of other places they could have gone but he showed up in her bar? Some people might have called it fate, but Rachel just saw it as an inconvenience, she knew he was going to be in the area for at least the next six years and all she had wanted to do was avoid him. Continue on with her life and move on, the way she had thought he had moved on with his until last night. She couldn't deny the spark, the feeling that flashed forward as they sang together. But it was just a moment, a moment she could have moved on from had he not chased her out of the damn bar and broken down all her defenses by kissing her. She blew out a sigh as she tried to take a step up the stairs before she collapsed into the fetal position, her knees pulled to her chest as the tears fell and she gently rocked herself.

She could have said no, she could have beat on his chest until he let her go, gotten in a cab and left just like that. But she didn't, she let him break down her walls the way he always had. She let him get to her, this was her fault and she knew that. Her body shuttered as she remembered the way his hands felt against her bare flesh, as she remembered the way she'd given into every emotion that had flooded forward. Finn Hudson had always been her weakness and it seemed like he always would. Her tears weren't heavy as she momentarily buried her face into her knees curled up in her stairwell, but even if they weren't heavy she still knew they were there and they reminded her that she still had no clue how she was going to make it through living in the same city as him when his name was going to be everywhere she turned. He wasn't going to have to see her name every time he opened a newspaper or turned on the news, she could disappear from his life as quickly as she came back into it and he would be able to move on. It wasn't fair that she was left to deal with her feelings for him all over again, that she was going to constantly be reminded of him, but life wasn't fair and she knew that. She could accept that. That's why she'd left be he'd woken up. She didn't want to talk about anything or deal with anything. He'd tried to talk about it briefly during their encounter but the words were silenced with actions, actions she'd wished didn't have so many emotions attached. Goosebumps formed on her skin as she remembered his breath against her neck when he'd whispered he still loved her, and she responded with 'me too,' before they made love again. Everything about being with him was as intimate as it always had been, but she couldn't let the thoughts consume her. Rachel shook her head trying to shake out the memories that she prayed he'd been too drunk to remember this morning as she forced herself to stand up and finish getting up the stairs to her apartment. She needed water, and food, and she needed to sleep off the night before and go back to pretending that though he was in the city, she would never have to see him. She needed to forget the night before ever happened.

Unfortunately she was going to have to get past Tina and Mike before that could happen. The door to her apartment had barely opened before she heard Mike click his tongue at her as he shook his head, "Rachel Berry doing the walk of shame," he grinned slightly and shook his head, he was already dressed and wide awake, which meant that he must have to be at the dance studio early so at least she knew that it wouldn't go on all morning. "This is something I would have never expected to see."

Rachel shot him a side eye look, and let out a ragged breath as she tossed her keys down on the coffee table, "Mike if you're going to give me a hard time go ahead and do it now and get it out of the way because once I go back to bed I fully intent to pretend like last night never happen."

Mike chuckled slightly and held up his hands in a defensive manner, "No hard time here, I know when not to touch a sensitive subject, and besides I've got to open up the studio and I've got a class to teach at 9, so I'm headed out for the morning."

"But I'm not going anywhere," Tina's voice rang out as she emerged from the kitchen balancing a bowl of cereal in one hand and holding out a bottle of water to Rachel with the other. She leaned up to kiss Mike as he stood to leave, "See you this afternoon."

"Yep," he said kissing her back and then taking another look at Rachel and shaking his head, "Rachel Berry and the walk of shame," he mumbled again grinning to himself obviously amused by the thought. "Never thought I'd see that." Were his last words as he gave the girls a wave and made is way out of the apartment.

Tina sat down on the couch with her bowl of cereal and looked up at Rachel, who was standing still playing with the label on the bottle of water she'd already drank half of, "So…"

Rachel sucked in a deep breath and played dumb as she sat down in the chair that was perpendicular to the sofa, "So what?"

"Oh please," Tina scoffed and shook her head at Rachel. "Since when you do need me to spell things out to get you talking. So last night, Finn, you, singing, you running out of the bar and him chasing after you like a lunatic, and then you don't come home. Spill, and just so you know had that been anyone else and had I not seen what I saw happen on that stage, I would have called the cops and reported you missing when you weren't home when I woke up," Tina finished hoping to keep the conversation on a least a little bit of a light note.

Rachel laughed slightly and then shrugged closing her eyes, "You seem to pretty much know it all already. Not much to tell, he chased me out of the bar, I ended up going back to his hotel room with him, and last night was a big mistake. There's no telling how many other girls he's already had in that hotel room and it didn't mean anything." The words came out of her mouth but she knew there was no way they were even close to believable. She wanted them to be believable, she wanted to be able to say them out loud and make them the truth, but she knew better and the look Tina was giving her said that Tina knew better too. Rachel blew out a breath and shook her head, "Did you at least believe it for a second?"

"No," Tina laughed slightly and put her empty bowl down on the table drawing her legs up and crossing them Indian style underneath her. "I might have if I hadn't watched you to sing together, if I hadn't seen the way he was looking at you, it was like…" She paused searching for the right word to describe what she'd seen but all the words going through her head fell short, "It was like there was no one else in the room, like there was no one else in the world. And the way you were looking back at him… If that was nothing, then I don't even want to know what it's like when it does mean something." She let out a bit of a laugh and noticed that Rachel had smiled an ever so slight bit at her description, and she took that as a sign it was okay to press on without having to fear Rachel having a nervous breakdown. "So how was it?"

A blush crept up over Rachel's cheeks and she buried her face in her hands to cover it and hide the slight grin that was coming through, it had been so long since she'd last had sex that these kinds of conversations between her and Tina happened very rarely, a sigh let her lips as she dropped her hands, "It was amazing." She bit down slightly on her bottom lip as she continued on, "It was hot, and passionate, the first time it was like we were just angry and hungry and ripping each other's clothes off as fast as we could." Her eyes slipped closed and she let out a soft sigh as she remembered the progression of their night, "It was amazing, it was the way it's always been with him. Which made it really hard to leave."

"Well, I didn't exactly mean how was the sex, but it sounds like you enjoyed it," Tina giggled slightly and then shook her head and lowered her tone a bit more serious. "I guess what I really meant is how are you? I mean it's you and its Finn and you can say it didn't mean anything to the end of the day but I'm never going believe that. You never stopped loving Finn, you dealt with it and you've never moved on, which is why you haven't dated since you broke up with him. Last night was a big deal whether you want to admit it or not, so how are you?"

Rachel nodded and rung her hands slightly before looking at Tina with a shrug, "I'm as okay as I'm going to be. Last night was a mistake that I made because he makes me weak and not think clearly, and I'm going to have to be the one to deal with my actions. So I'm going to go to bed, and sleep it off. And tomorrow I'm going to go back to my normal life and back to pretending like Finn Hudson is just some other football player I could care less about. We just might have to put the sports ban back on in the apartment for a while. "She finished trying to joke in vain and lighten the mood. Lighten her own spirits, before she broke down over the whole thing.

"Rachel I saw the way Finn looked at you, do you really think it's going to be that easy? That he's just going to leave you alone now?"

"He doesn't have a choice; I left before he woke up and left him with no phone number, or address or anything. And if he didn't have any way to find me before, then he still doesn't have any way to find me. He has things he needs to focus on, the last thing he's going to worry about it me I'm sure."

xxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

There weren't many situations that made Finn nervous anymore but he had just found one. He was sitting inside an unfamiliar apartment that didn't belong to him or the man who sat next to him. The room was silent so silent that Finn was sure that his heart beating in his chest was echoing through the entire room. When he heard the key turn in the lock, he was sure his heart leapt into his throat and when the door swung open and his eyes met her face taking in the look of shock, he was sure that his heart stopped altogether. He watched motionless as Mike stood from the sofa and walked over to Rachel and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Sorry he bribed me," Mike said to her as he patted her shoulder and then dropped his voice slightly as he leaned down to kiss her cheek, "You can be pissed but one day you'll thank me for this." His voice was so quiet that Finn could barely make out the words and by the time he processed them the door was already closing behind Mike.

Finn stood up and stuck his hands in his pockets as he and Rachel just stood there staring at each other in silence, silence was better than he expected though. He wasn't sure what exactly he expected, maybe for her to run out of the room in an overdramatic manner the way she had at the bar a two days earlier. Maybe he'd expected her to yell at him, he wasn't sure but silence wasn't at all what he expected.

And he was thrown completely off guard when she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and put her keys down on the coffee table before offering him a very meek, "Hi."

"Hi," he said back taking a thick swallow and a deep breath sucking in all the air he could so he'd be able to get out as many words as possible without stopping, "Look I know you're probably pissed I'm here and that I just kinda showed up without warning but you disappeared and I figured that without the element of surprise you wouldn't talk to me so surprise."

Rachel blew out a breath and forced herself not to melt as he rambled at her, her heart was pounding and she was sure he could see it beating out of her chest. Images of their night together flashed forward into her mind as she closed her eyes and shook the thoughts away, making herself stone faced and projecting no emotions, refusing to let him break down her defenses again. "What do you want Finn? Why are you here?"

"Why am I here?" He scoffed his lips curling out in a manner that read disbelief. "What do you mean why am I here? You disappeared we had an amazing night together and you disappeared the next morning before we had a chance to talk about anything, so I'm here to talk about things."

"There's nothing to talk about Finn. We had sex, it was a one night stand with an ex, and people do that all the time without talking about things." Her voice was shaking with each word, she knew there was no way he was going to believe her, and she knew there was no way he was just going to go away now.

"That's bullshit. That's about as much bullshit as a phone call at one in the morning to break up with me and then never taking another call and changing your number a year later." He spit out and took a step closer to her looking into her eyes and trying to read them before she closed them to stop him. But the action of closing her eyes gave him all he needed to know. "Why? You called me at one in the morning and said you could do better than me," he paused and looked around the apartment glancing at the pictures on the walls and tables. Pictures of her and Tina, Tina and Mike, their families. And bitter half smile curled on his lips, "Where's better Rachel? Because I sure as hell don't see him, in fact based on the conversation I had with Mike, there hasn't been anyone since me. And then we have this amazing night, and we said things, things that really make me wonder where the fuck is better?"

Rachel squeezed her eyes closed as she felt the sting of tears at his words, this was the conversation she'd been avoiding for three years, this was the conversation she never wanted to have, this was the reason she'd stopped taking his calls. She knew the moment she opened her eyes that tears or no tears they would be bloodshot and give everything she was trying to hide from him away, she sucked in a deep breath before she finally opened them and faced him head on. It wasn't like she had any choice. "You're still really that dense." Were the first words that left her mouth a combination of bitterness and shock, "I broke up with you for your own good, not because I could do better. That was just the only thing I could tell you and make you believe me. You would always tell me that one day I'd figure out that I could do better than you so I knew you'd believe it." The bitterness had faded from her words as they slowly soften towards him as he stood in front of her a look of completely confusion on his face.

"My own good? I was confused three years ago when you broke up with me, now I'm really fucking confusion." He said trying to process and figure out her words, all of them jumbled together in his head making no sense what so ever.

Rachel let out a deep sigh and moved to sit down on the sofa looking down at the ground for a moment before she turned her head back up to face him, she studied his face for a moment and fought back a smile as he had that same dumbfounded look on it he would always get when something went over his head, it was look she'd always found endearing. "Yes you own good. So you would go to Purdue, so you would have your own future." She stopped to collect herself before she continued on; giving a silent prayer she would be able to make it through the rest of her explanation without any tears. "You weren't going to go to Purdue, when you told me they were looking at you and that they wanted you to transfer after the end of the season and come play for them on scholarship, you told me that Purdue was in Indiana. I tried to tell you that Purdue wasn't that much farther from Cincinnati than Lima. You didn't listen you just went on about how we had a plan and you liked our plan and that you were just going to finish up your two years at Rhodes State, then transfer to Cincinnati and then we would go to New York. You were banking your entire future on me, and I loved you for that. I loved you for having so much faith in me, but for the first time in my life it made me think about what would happen if I didn't make it. What would happen if I never made it? And all I could see was what would happen and how you would end up stuck in Ohio forever and resenting me because all you'd ever wanted was to get out of Ohio. And you're chance was right there and you weren't going to take it because of me. I couldn't let that happen." Her prayers didn't work as silent tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes. "So I broke up with you for your own good. So you would go to Purdue, so you could have the future you wanted. And I did it at one in the morning and I stopped answering your calls because I knew that all it would take would be hearing you tell me you loved me, and I would break and crack and never go through with it." Rachel buried her face in her hands to wipe away the tears as she took a couple of deep breaths and composed herself, straightening up her posture and shaking herself upright to face him, "So there you go. There's your explanation, there's you closure. It worked, it was a long time ago and the other night was a mistake made in a moment of weakness."

Words, sentences, confusion jumbled in Finn's head. He couldn't even begin to process what she had just told him. The sound of her voice beat in his brain, bouncing around. His mouth was dry, he wasn't sure he could even speak; he blew out a breath as he looked down at her completely shocked. Then it came the anger, his mouth fell open and his face twisted as he shook his head and stared at her. "You took the one thing you knew would break me and used it against me. Everything I have done in the last three years of my life has been to prove to myself that I was good enough for you. That I could be good enough for you," his words scoffed out as everything she'd said finally caught up with him and he realized that she'd never once said she didn't love him, he looked down and saw a faint smile on her face which confused him even more and his face clearly read confusion.

"Well," she smiled to herself and to him before she stood up and ran her hand down his cheek in a comforting manner. "Then I guess you should be thanking me then huh?"

Finn had never been the smartest guy but he knew exactly what Rachel meant by that, and even though he didn't want to admit it, she was right. He had done everything he'd done to prove he was good enough, and look where it had gotten him. He was a professional athlete, worth millions of dollars; he was out of Ohio and had a great future ahead of him. And it was all her fault. He smiled slightly and leaned into her touch, in a world where he felt like everyone wanted something from him, she was the only person that made him feel like nothing was expected out of him, she had always made him feel that way. It was soothing. "Maybe I should." He said giving a half smile at her. "But where does that leave us Rachel, you can say it was mistake, that it didn't mean anything or whatever you want but you and I both know that's a lie."

"I don't know Finn." She said softly and closed her eyes. "I'm trying to make a life for myself here, I'm just starting to get my name out there, I can't…"

"Ride my coat tails?" He joked lifting his eyebrows at her.

"Exactly," she responded softly and swallowed. "Wow we really have come full circle. Back exactly where we started you're the big time popular quarterback and I'm the nobody." Rachel drew a breath as she listened to her own words, they were true and she saw the way Finn's face fell knowing she wasn't offering him the hope he wanted but there was still something there she couldn't deny it and she knew there was no way she'd be able to pretend like he was some football player she didn't care about anymore. "But those two people were friends once; you think they could be friends again?" Her expression slowly started to smile without any thought to it.

"Friends?" Finn repeated the word like it was a question, it wasn't exactly what he was hoping for but he wasn't sure what he'd been hoping for, maybe this was even better. Finally his lips curved into the familiar crooked half smile, and he saw Rachel's breath hitch as she watched him. "Friends." He repeated this time as an affirmative answer.

"Then it's settled, we don't have to pretend each other doesn't exist," her voice was filled with laughter and it damn near made Finn's heart stop again, it was a sound he hadn't heard in so long he'd almost forgotten how it was one of his favorite sounds.

"No we don't." He grinned and cocked his head at her.

"You know what we should do?" Rachel's voice danced out at him. She couldn't hide the relief she felt and she couldn't hide the way she was actually enjoying his company. He wasn't Finn Hudson, Jets quarterback on the front page of the sports section. He was Finn Hudson, the same boy she'd always known, the same boy she'd always loved, she could be his friend in fact she liked the idea of being his friend.

"Elope," he mumbled back at her in a mocking tone and tilted his head playfully to the side.

Rachel laughed and buried her face in her hands before she smacked him in the chest, "You promised me you would never bring that up. But I actually was going to say we should go bowling." The smile the two of them exchanged at that moment was undeniable. The chemistry was still there, the feelings were still there. Maybe they hadn't talked through everything they needed to talk through, but things had never come easy for them, so neither one of them expected things to start being easy now.

Finn shook his head everything that had been said finally catching up with, friends, the word repeated in his head as he nodded towards Rachel and then towards the door. "Let's go." He wasn't about to let her just walk out of his life again and could use a good friend in New York.


	6. Chapter 5

A/N: Okay so this chapter was another pain in the ass to write because it was as fragmented and choppy in my head as it came out on the screen to be. This chapter seriously almost made me give up on this story. So I won't get my feelings hurt if it makes some people give up on it. I think the story is going to work best if I keep using the alternating points of view because I haven't been able to figure out how to integrate them yet. So that being said the first part of the next chapter is running much smoother and as hard as she is to write so far it will be from Rachel's POV. Please forgive any mistakes as I didn't have the patience to even attempt to proof the chapter it frustrated me so badly.

There were ups and downsides to their new found arrangement. Friends wasn't something that came easy to Finn when it came to Rachel. They had been down the path they were walking before, him patiently waiting in the wings for his turn with her back in high school after he had screwed up. But this time it wasn't him that screwed up, not that she had screw up, but she had broken his heart when she'd broken up with him. She had been the one who turned his life into a never ending cycle of do this because it's best for your future, and those had been her exact intentions. Maybe she had been right maybe he was suppose to be thanking her for it, but he couldn't help but think what would have been if she'd hadn't taken it upon herself to make decisions for his future. The thought unsettled him a bit, she hadn't thought to discuss it with him, she hadn't been honest with him, and she merely took it upon herself and made a decision for him. The last time he'd let that happen was with Quinn and he hated the fact that in the back of his mind he compared that to what Rachel had done to him three years earlier. But he had been her friend before, and maybe friends was what he needed to get a better grasp on the situation. Maybe friends would make him better understand it all, because he sure as hell didn't understand why everyone thought they were better at making decisions for him than he was.

There was bitterness there, but he couldn't deny that having Rachel around again filled a void inside him. He didn't feel like a machine going through the motions anymore. For the first time since she'd left him, he felt truly alive. They had walked out of her apartment that day and went bowling. Then a few days later they went bowling again. He started meeting her for lunch during his afternoon breaks from training camp. They would meet at a small vegan café where he would buy her lunch, and she would bring him a sack lunch to satisfy his need for real food. It was during this time that they shared stories of the last three years. He would share stories of nail biting games, and his Fiesta Bowl win his senior year. He surged with jealousy when she told him she actually watched the game at a sports bar there in New York because she was on a date and he insisted on going to watch it. But his face beamed with pride when she hide her expression behind a cup coffee and admitted that she paid more attention to the game than her date and refused to let him speak when Finn was on the field. She told him about her college roles and how she had ended up in New York living with Tina. It made sense that she wasn't listed, Tina had already been in New York and when Rachel moved in everything was already in Tina's name so they saw no need to change anything. It relieved Finn that she had been trying to hide from him. And after a week's worth of afternoon lunch breaks with her, he finally laid his bitterness about what she'd done to him out on the table. He admitted to her how badly it sucked to think that she thought she could ever be better at making decisions about his future than him. He told how he didn't give a damn that he had lead him to where he was now because he should have been able to make the choice for himself. And in a long exasperated half angry, half sad ramble he admitted to her that she had hurt him so badly he stopped really caring about anything and just started doing things because he was suppose to. He admitted all of this to her sitting inside some Vegan café that by the time he finished he couldn't even remember the name of; he wasn't relieved like he thought he would be. He was even angrier at her and ready to leave until she looked up at him with her beautiful dark eyes slightly red as if she'd been fighting back tears that would only make them glisten more and softly whispered a single phrase to him, "I was wrong. I'm sorry."

That simple phrase was all it took; it was all he'd been wanting to hear. It was all he needed to hear from her because he knew better than anyone how hard it was for Rachel Berry to admit she was wrong. He quietly sat back down and after a few moments of exchanging a silent understanding, they resumed their normal lunch conversation as if he'd never brought the subject up.

On his first Sunday off he went to go see her in the off Broadway show she was doing. She had insisted that it was only a small role and he didn't have to attend, his response had been a shrug as he told her with a grin, "That's what friends do. They support each other." And when the show had been over he whistled and clapped louder than anyone else in the audience, which of course drew attention to him and miffed Rachel when he was the one signing autographs instead of her. As they walked down the street after her show she kept enough distance in between them so that it didn't look like they were together and she barely spoke three words to him. He silently thought to himself about how childish her actions really were, and then couldn't help but smile at how little she had changed in the last three years. When they finally got to her apartment she let him walk her inside but went straight to her bedroom and left him standing in the living room with Mike and Tina staring at him with questioning eyes.

"What'd you do?" Mike finally asked after a few moments when they all realized Rachel wasn't going to be coming out of her room anytime soon.

Finn shrugged at him and laughed a little bit, "She doesn't like sharing the spotlight." The three of them had a good hard laugh about it, which he was sure pissed Rachel off even more because he stuck around for two hours waiting for her to come out of her room before he finally gave up and went back to his hotel to get some sleep.

She called him and woke him up at three thirty in the morning with a speech about how she didn't want to use his celebrity to elevate her own status because her talent would be good enough on its own. She talked nonstop for twenty minutes before she finally got quiet, so quiet he almost dozed off on her. "Finn," she finally broke the silence and snapped his eyes open as he acknowledged her with a sleepy mumble, "I'm sorry." She whispered to him for the second time in two weeks.

He knew she couldn't see him but his instinct responded to her voice with a smile, "I know," he simply said back. The next day at training camp his mouth fell open and he completely missed his receiver when in a sea of green and white wearing fans, a bouncing clapping brunette wearing a bright blue shirt took hold of his attention. If it hadn't been for the red no contact jersey he'd have gotten himself sacked staring in her direction. Finn didn't have to be able to read the shirt to know that it said Team Finn, and his heart swelled up at the sincerity of her actions, it was an apology, a peace offering so to speak. He put on the best practice he'd had of training camp that far. Afterwards practice when he took the time to go sign autographs for the fans, she waited patiently and worked her way to the front of the group to hold out a mini Jets helmet for him to sign, he shot he a look and she nodded down for him to sign it, "This is what friends do, they support each other." There had been a time in his life when he'd once thought he'd never be able to love her more. Boy was he wrong because he'd never loved her more than he did at that very moment. And it was that moment that he knew friends was never going to be enough for him.

After that day though his practice schedule got rough even their standing lunch dates had to be put on hold, every free moment he had was devoted to football. It was necessary to prepare for his first preseason game. It was a home game in The Meadowlands and the last thing he wanted to do was look bad and let down a home crowd, even if he was only going to be actually playing for the first quarter or so. He practiced countless hours and when he wasn't practicing he was watching tapes, studying defenses and offenses, absorbing in everything he could to be prepared. She called every night when he show was over checking on him, making sure he was eating properly giving him the run down on how important proper sleep and nutrition was to his health. How if he didn't listen he was going to put too much strain on his body and it was crucial that he remain healthy. He tried to tell her numerous times that he heard everything she told him on a daily basis he also heard from team trainers and doctors, but every night he reassured her that he was following everyone's advice. Finn never told her to stop calling thought, because what he couldn't tell her was that the nightly sound of her voice had become as crucial to his game as his nutrition and sleep patterns. Knowing that every night if he couldn't see her he was at least going to get to hear her voice had become critical to his mental health. Hearing her voice made all the mental clutter melt away, it gave him solace in the insanity. It helped him relax when nothing else was working, sometimes he would even play tracks of her singing to get him to sleep. But he wasn't about to admit to anyone that was something he'd been doing for years.

Finn finally got a day off the day before the game, well half a day he had to attend a team meeting that was basically just to hype them up and get them prepare for the game to next day. All Finn wanted to do was take a break and clear the clutter for his head and the only thing that worked to clear the clutter was Rachel. He didn't have to worry about seeing her; they had made plans to have dinner at his new apartment that night earlier in the week. She was going to cook something vegan and full of protein because protein was important for muscle durability, she had informed him of that like it hadn't been drilled in his head over and over since high school. Sometimes he thought Rachel just said things because she liked the sound of her own voice, but that was something that over the years had become one of her endearing qualities. Their plan however wasn't going to go as planned because his furniture, shy of his bed and the old chair that had belonged to his father hadn't been delivered. Nor had any of his other possessions arrived from the moving company yet. They had called and apologized for being behind schedule, but Finn was already trying to devise a backup plan in his head.

When Rachel arrived at his apartment that evening her eyes got wide as it he let her in and she realized that the space was still in the exactly same state it was the first time he'd brought her there after the renovations were finished, except the old chair from his house was placed in a corner near the largest window that over looked the city. She laughed slightly and looked at him, and lifted up the groceries bags in her hands, "So I guess I'm not cooking?"

Finn grinned back at her and shook his head, "Nope, but that doesn't mean we're not eating here," he said taking the bags from her hands and placing them on the kitchen counter before he turned back to her and took her hand to lead her into the second living area, the area where his dining room table would have been. His face broke out into a smile at the physical contact between them, he couldn't remember the last time he'd touched her, but she still felt the same against his hand. Like silk against sandpaper, like the most delicate thing he'd ever get to touch. As they walked into the room that was whole lit by the city shining through the curtain free windows he nodded down at the blanket, pillows and picnic basket on his floor.

Rachel's eyes grew big as she took in the room, glancing out at the view of the city before her eyes met the blanket and picnic basket, a blush sneaking onto her face as she shook her head, "Why does this look familiar?" She giggled slightly.

"It does?" He laughed back at her and motioned for her to sit down not even trying to suppress his grin.

"If you have virgin cosmos and plastic cups," she said playfully as she craned her neck and tried to look inside his picnic basket, despite his swatting her away.

"What if I do?" Finn asked as he rested his hand on the basket to stop her from getting inside of it.

He watched as her face turned from playful, to serious almost somber as she tucked her hair behind her ears, "What is this Finn?" She asked quietly her eyes looked to the basket before they slowly trailed up and met his.

There was no reading her expression at that moment, all he wanted to do was get into her head and know exactly what she was thinking as she asked that question but he couldn't read her. His mouth went dry and he licked his lips as he saw a flicker of intensity in her eyes, the same flicker she had that night at the bar. There was no alcohol to haze his mind this time, or make him second guess what he saw, it was a flicker of the way she used to look at him. The breath he'd been holding without realizing it released from his chest as he reached forward and touched her face, running his thumb across her lips before he moved his face in closer to hers. Finn didn't let his eyes close until her felt Rachel lean into his hand and watched her eyes slip closed just before his lips touched against hers. No beating on his chest, no resistance, no fighting him, he felt her instantly melt into his kiss, for a second he would have sworn they had jumped into a time machine and they were sixteen back in the McKinley High Auditorium having their first kiss. Her mouth open to allow him deeper access and he poured everything he'd been feeling for the last three weeks into that kiss, hell he poured everything he'd been feeling for the last three years into that kiss and he felt it back. He felt her hands work their way into his hair pushing and holding his lips against her. Finn didn't have to read her expression, her kiss was saying it all, and this friends thing was never going to work when they were still in love with each other. And no matter how much she'd tried to fight it or hide it from him, she couldn't anymore, he could taste to in her kiss, she felt the same way he did.

"Stop," she said against his lips, her voice coming out in a torn sigh as he felt her force herself to pull away. "We can't do this."

Finn pulled back as a mixture of hurt and confusion washed over him as he stared at her unable to speak, unable to come up with any words to respond to her. He felt her hand brush against his cheek and slip into his hair, her fingers lightly scratching at his scalp making every tension in his body disappear until he felt her take her touch away from him. "Not now, as much as I want to give in, it's not that easy and if we do this again right now things are going to be a lot more complicated than they were the last time because last time you showed up at my apartment and we still had the option of being friends. If we complicate things we don't have that option anymore and I'm not sure if that's a risk I'm willing to take." she said softly and shook her head at him. "You have a game tomorrow, you need to focus on that right now, not me. I won't be a distraction and you should know that," he watched as she took a thick swallow and drew in a long breath. Her eyes met his at that point and he knew that she was reading him like a book, sometimes he still wondered if she really was a little bit psychic or if she just still knew him that well because she said the only thing she could to end the dejected emotions and silence the screaming in his head, "We can talk tomorrow night." Her voice was barely above a whisper as she released and breath and licked her lips, "I promise we can talk tomorrow night, I'll still be here."


	7. Chapter 6

Why did he have to kiss her, why did he have to go and set up that picnic basket and try to reenact that moment? Why did he have to go and try to make things so complicated. It had taken everything in her to come up with the solution of friends. It had been the best compromise. It was the only way she was going to be able to get through having to read his name or see his picture all the time. But it hadn't been easy for her, did he not realize that she still felt the same way about him she had since she was sixteen. Did he not see that he didn't have to make her fall in love with him because she had never fallen out of love with him? Did he not understand that who they were now, their statues in life was exactly how they were when they first met and it scared the hell out of her? She never wanted to feel like that nobody in high school who got slushies tossed in her face ever again. And a part of her was scared that it was how she was going to ended up feeling if she kept this up with him.

Rachel out a sigh a lifted her head from her pillow at the faint sound of a knock on her door, "Come in." She said in her best sing song voice as Tina pushed the door open and leaned against the door frame studying Rachel.

"Are you planning on coming out of your room, I don't know ever?" Tina asked before she walked forward and sat on the edge on Rachel's bed tilting her head towards her. "You've kept yourself locked in her since you got home last night, whatever happened you can't stay locked in here forever." Her voice was soft and comforting as she tried to coax her friend into talking. "Or you could that way Mike would know if it's safe for him to watch the game or if he should change the channel." She threw out to lighten the tone a bit and hopefully make it easier for Rachel to talk to her about whatever had happened at Finn's the evening before.

"Nothing happened," Rachel paused and shook her head letting out a deep hard sigh. "Well I mean nothing bad, or maybe it was bad, or maybe it was good, or I don't know." She whined finally giving in to the state of confusion and defeat she felt over her emotions. "When he got drafted to the Jets, all I could think about was how he was going to be in New York, and how what if things were different. What if everything had gone the way we planned it, then we would be in New York together and happy and in love, both living our dreams. All I could think about was that big what if I had done things differently. And now we could be here and happy and together, it's like the what if could just be completely erased and it should be that easy. This should be the easiest decision I've ever had to make and my heart is screaming at me to go put on my Team Finn shirt and watch the game and then run into his arms as soon as he gets home tonight." There was softness to her voice that bled uncertainty that bled fear that revealed a hesitation that Rachel herself didn't even fully understand.

She wanted to understand why she couldn't just jump into Finn's arms again. Those long lanky fumbling arms that felt so perfect when they wrapped around her. She wanted to understand what was holding her back when her heart pounded every time she was never him the same way it always had, when the moment he lead her into his living and she saw the basket and the pillows and the blanket all she wanted to do was pull him to the floor and make love to him right then. More than anything Rachel wanted to know why she just couldn't admit to him that she still loved him, maybe even more now than she had when she was sixteen. She wanted answers for herself as to why she was so torn up over this when it seemed like it was such an easy choice. Was it that she would have to admit that she had been wrong, because she had done that? She had admitted it to him and to herself the day he told her exactly how he'd felt about the whole situation. Did his celebrity really bother her that much? Was she scared that maybe if she tried again with him he would be the one to realize that he could do better than her, the same way he always feared she would? All Rachel had in her mind was questions, questions she didn't have answers for. Muddled feelings and emotions that mixed together and made her even more confused. The image of a blanket and a picnic basket and a kiss that just made things more complicated, when it should have just made things really easy.

She could feel her eyes glassing over as she silently looked at Tina and gave a shrug, "I wish I knew what was holding me back, and I don't. Which means tomorrow night Finn is going to expect us to sit down and talk about all this like I promised him we would and I'm not going to have any answers for him."

Tina nodded at Rachel as she pressed her lips together and studying her sad expression before she patted her softly on the leg, "Maybe the problem is you're trying too hard. Maybe everything's so confusing because you're trying too hard to find a clear cut answer. You're looking for black and white when maybe what you need is grey. Or better yet maybe what you need is some color? You and Finn have always been complicated and mismatched and there's never been an easy answer. So I don't know why you would expect there to be one now."

A sad smile came across Rachel's face as she let a deep breath go as Tina's words sunk in. Maybe Tina was right, maybe she had been trying too hard to find an answer when there wasn't one. Things with Finn had never really happened the way she wanted them to or the way she'd planned them so maybe she should just stop thinking so hard about it all, stop searching and when it came time to talk to Finn just wing it. Improve was certainly one of her stronger points, she thought to herself as she felt Tina pat her leg and speak again. "Come watch the game with me and Mike, that way tomorrow when Finn asks if you saw whatever awesome play he's about to make you can say yes, or if he sucks you'll know what to console him about."

"Yeah I think I will," her voice sang out a bit as she followed Tina into their living room, Mike already on the couch with a Jets shirt on and a beer in his hand. "You know Mike, Finn probably could have gotten you a ticket if you asked him too." She grinned and poked at his side.

Mike's head threw back and his eyes grew wide as he looked from the television and then back to Rachel, "En TV gives you a better view, plus I didn't want to ask him for anything. He needs to know we're his friends because he's Finn, not because he can get me tickets to a Jets game." He shrugged and pointed to the game. "He's already scored third play of the game he hooked up with Dustin on a 40 yarder, there wasn't a defender in sight and Dustin took it in. This is his third set of downs actually."

Rachel nodded and smiled at Mike's description of the play, "I can't wait to see the highlights," she grinned and then pointed at the screen before she clapped her hands together, "there he goes on the field." As she watched him line up all she felt was joy, and pride. She was so proud of him, the way he pointed and took control of the line; he was still such a leader. The same way he had been in high school, she'd be willing to bet there was probably an arrogant player or two on the team he had to keep in check, the same way he used to keep her in check. These thoughts of pride and joy surged through Rachel's thoughts erasing all the confusion and filling her mind. She watched as Finn dropped back to throw, and as quickly as the joy filled her mind it was erased and horror flooded in taking over. It was quick only took a matter of seconds but she watched as the defensive end came around untouched and speared right into Finn knocking him to the ground, his head bouncing back up as his body fell limp.

A squeal of terror came from Rachel's mouth as she clasped her hands against it. It was like she had just seen everything in slow motion, the way the defender plowed into him, the way his body landed on the turf and bounced back up from the force. It was like she had just witnessed the most horrific car crash she'd ever seen, only worse she'd witness Finn, her superman be brought to the ground worse than she'd ever seen, and he wasn't moving. He wasn't moving, the play had stopped and people were rushing to him. Her neck craned as if moving her neck in different directions was going to make them change the camera angle and giving her a better view. She just wanted to see him but she could no longer see any part of Finn but his legs through the swarm of people. Mike and Tina sat next to her with similar looks for a moment before they looked to each other and then looked at Rachel who looked to be in a complete state of shock. They both wondered for a moment if they should do something, make her leave the room or turn off the television, they each took a turn to call out her name but Rachel only heard fuzzy in her ears. She was catatonic, doing nothing but staring at the television, her hands shaking against her mouth.

"Get up, get up," she repeated her eyes fixated on the television screen. She wasn't talk to the television she was talking to Finn. She was talking because she knew that even though she might be miles away in her apartment while the laid out motionless on the turf of the Meadowlands, she knew that some way he could hear her. There was some way he could sense her distress, her fear, her horror and mixture of indescribable emotions as she sat with her hands clasps over her hands over her mouths speaking her thoughts aloud. She blew out a ragged breath and froze as the channel cut to commercial making her want to scream as tears began to roll down her cheeks. Tears she didn't even notice, tears she didn't even care about, and all she cared about at that moment was Finn. She needed the game to come back on and when it did she needed him to be on his feet and moving, not laying their motionless on the field like the image that was burned into her mind. A hand laid down on her shoulder, and her entire body tensed at the feeling before she heard Tina's voice say her name.

"Rachel maybe you should…"

"No," she said sharply without ever looking away from the television. "Whatever you're about to say not, he has to get up, and I need to see that he's gotten up." Rachel's voice was soft, but harsh and firm in tone, the earth around her could be opening up and she wasn't moving until he was up and moving. Life around her had frozen and she had no concept of time, in reality it had probably only been mere seconds since the cut to commercial but it felt like hours, like days, like eons. If she ever decided to try to induce herself to vomit again, this was the moment she could draw back on because it was taking everything in her not to get sick as she waited. When the channel finally cut back in the announcers were analyzing a slow motion replay of the brutal hit Finn had taken, describing it in graphic detail, so graphic that she couldn't handle it anymore, she had to close her eyes and try to block it all out. Her body rocking slightly on the sofa until she felt Mike's hands on her shoulders and his voice directly in her ear.

"Rachel, he's okay, open your eyes."

Her eyes slowly peeled open as she slowly looked up from the ground, almost afraid to face television. She felt herself gasping for air as she finally saw him being helped off the field and over to the sidelines before the camera cut away from him as the game resumed play. "Turn it off," her voice demanded as she remained motionless and crying silent tears. "Turn the damn thing off." She repeated this time seizing Mike into action as Tina sat down next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Rachel are you okay?"

Taking several shaky breaths she nodded her head as best she could. She was nowhere near okay; she had never felt a feeling so horrifying before that moment. Her mind was racing but her body was frozen, all she could do was breath and stare at the now blank television screen.

"He's okay Rachel, I mean he's defiantly got a concussion but he was moving and didn't come off the field in a stretcher, so he's okay."

"Shut up," her voice rang out as her head snapped in Mike's direction and she choked back the bile that was trying to fight its way forward. "I'm sorry," she quickly apologized and softened her tone ever so slightly. "I'm sorry, I just," she paused to swallow several times before she could even think about speaking again. Her mind was still going faster than even she could think flashes of memories, words, a replay of what had just happened to him, until finally it settled on his face and that crooked smile he had that never ceased to make her heart stop in the sweetest way possible. Rachel drew in several deep breaths and concentrated on that picture in her mind, his face, his smile, her sweet Finn and the way he looked at her, the way he still looked at her after all this time, after everything they'd been through. Her heart rate finally slowed and her breaths finally started coming over study and even, but it didn't stop the tears. But the tears, the tears were still sneaking out of the corners of her eyes.


	8. Chapter 7

All Finn wanted to do was get inside his apartment and get some sleep. His body was sore beyond anything he'd ever felt before. He wasn't sure if that was from the actual hit he took - a hit that he didn't remember but was sure he'd get to relive via highlight reels for the rest of his career - or if he was so sore from being kept at the hospital and treated like a guinea pig for the last seven hours. It didn't matter which one, he just knew that's all he was: sore and tired. He wanted to get inside his apartment and forget the last two days. He wanted to forget how much of a fool of himself he'd made in front of half of New York by taking a sack and getting laid out on the football field. Now he was going to have to face questions about his health and toughness and if he was actually cut out to be the Jets' leader. He knew a concussion like the one he got was going to make some people question if he was worth all the money the Jets were going to be paying him. Taking that shot and getting put out of commission for a game or two, even in the pre-season, meant he was going to have to begin his fight for the starting job all over again: that one hit had put his football career with the team back at square one. But those were all things he could deal with, those were all doubts he knew he could put to rest once he'd get to step up and prove himself again. Proving himself was something he'd actually become good at - so all those football questions were ones he could easily put to rest in his own mind.

What he really wanted to forget was the fool he'd made of himself in front of Rachel - not that he thought she'd been watching the game; that wasn't the issue. The second she'd left his apartment the night before he'd felt like a fool. He didn't know what he had been thinking trying to re-enact their moment from high school, and her reaction certainly didn't offer him any comfort. She had looked like she couldn't get out of his apartment fast enough. But he knew she'd felt something, too: he'd felt it when he kissed her, it was still there between them. Finn had no clue how he was going to make her see it, or how he was going to solve things between them, but he knew he had too. A part of him wished the hit he'd taken could put him back at square one with Rachel the way it was going to with the Jets. He knew she'd said they'd talk, but there was no way she hadn't heard about his hit and yet she hadn't even tried to call. Or had she? As soon as he thought of it he realised he actually had no clue where his phone was, so he had no idea if anyone had tried to call. It wouldn't have mattered anyway; they wouldn't allow him to use a phone. Not even to call his mom: Jimmy, his agent,had handled that. He'd told Finn that his mother had been called and reassured he was fine; but Jimmy wouldn't have known to call Rachel and at this point neither would his mom have known to call her. Maybe Rachel had called his mom, he wondered to himself as he made a mental note to call his mom in the morning, as soon as he'd have finished calling Rachel.

The light that entered into his eyes as he opened the apartment door momentarily blinded him, catching him completely off-guard. Why were there lights on? He was sure he'd turned everything off before he left. He barely had time to process the thought as he shielded his eyes with his hands when a blur of movement came towards him. It took his brain longer than usual to process the blur and focus his eyes, but when they did he found Rachel standing there in front of him. His face contorted in confusion - could a concussion cause hallucinations?

"Rachel?" He said her name as a question but had barely gotten the word out before he felt the sharp sting of her hand across his cheek in a slap, "What the he…" Before he even got the chance to finish she had flung herself at him and buried her face into his chest, her arms wrapping around him and clutching his body to hers.

"Finn Hudson, don't you ever scare me like that again." Rachel voice came out in a scared yet demanding tone as she spoke against his chest. "Did you hear me?" she asked as she pulled her face from his chest and stepped back slightly to pound her tiny fists repeatedly against him. "Did you hear me - don't you ever scare me like that again, you understand," her voice was almost crying when she finally finished and buried herself against him again, one of her fists still beating into his body.

He knew laughing probably wasn't the best idea but he couldn't help it as he pulled his arms tightly around her body to still her actions. "It's probably not your smartest move to hit the guy with the concussion," he warned her with a chuckle and watched as her head shot up and her eyes met his, concern written in them. "I'm fine," he said reassuringly as he tightened his grip on her and bent down to kiss the top of her head before he pulled it back up. "Wait," he said and cocked an eyebrow at her as he wondered out aloud, "How did you get in here?"

Rachel made no attempt to move her face from his chest, or even let up her grip on his body. "Your doorman let me in. You never took my name off your list and I used my superb acting skills to convince him that I had lost the key you'd given me." Her voice laughed an ever so small bit and she drew in a breath so deep that he felt the fabric of his shirt move from his body. "I couldn't get a hold of you," she whispered and at that moment he was certain he could hear the first hint of tears in her voice. "I was so scared and I couldn't get a hold of you. I called every hospital I thought they would have taken you to and no one would give me any information, and then I realized that no one was going to give any information out on you and I probably seemed crazy. You weren't answering you phone and I was so scared." Her voice choked back a sob as she finally pulled away from him and looked up with those sad doe eyes of hers, "I had to make sure you really were okay, I had to be here when you got home, I needed to see you." Rachel's face fell back against his chest and he felt the wetness of her tears soak the fabric he was wearing.

"It's okay, I'm fine. They wouldn't let me use a phone or I would have called you," he whispered as he ran his fingers through her hair. He wasn't sure if the action was to comfort her or himself, but after a while he could no longer feel her heart-beat hammer so fast against him; he couldn't help but let his lips curl into a smile. He knew he shouldn't be reveling in the feeling of her body pressed against his when she was there out of worry for him. But as far as he was concerned it didn't matter why she was there - all that mattered was that she was there with him. She could have waited for him to call her; she could have waited until morning. "Rach, how long have you been here?"

Rachel's breathing had slowed down by then and she shifted her embrace of him slightly, letting her arms fall around his midsection and hang loosely around his hips as she pulled back to look up at him with eyes and cheeks red from crying as she gave a slight shrug, "I'm not sure; hours, days, since the moment I pulled myself together enough to move from the couch where I was watching your game." Her hand reached up and ran gingerly down his cheek, "It feels like weeks, though," she whispered as she took a shaky breath and let her eyes slip closed. She pressed her palm to his cheek, its soft touch against his stubble causing a purr to fall from him. "I really thought for a moment there I'd lost you. I can't lose you again Finn, I know it was my fault before, but I can't lose you again, I just got you back."

If there was any language Finn was fluent in it was the language of Rachel Berry. He understood that better than he did English sometimes, but at that moment there was a look in her eyes he'd never seen before - as if she had created a new word, or a new feeling, one he'd never seen in anyone before. There was no hesitation in him as he reached up and gently cupped her face in his hands before he leaned down and softly pressed his lips against hers. It wasn't the kind of kiss that took anyone's breath away but Finn felt like all the air in the room was scarce as he felt her breath hitch against his lips and her melt into him using her palm against his face to keep him from pressing too deeply against her. There was a sweetness to her kiss, a tenderness, as she pulled back to let out a soft sigh. Her forehead pressed against his as she slowly opened her eyes to meet his, the new words to her language still in her eyes as she reached up with her other hand and cupped his face softly before she nodded at him, "I'm all in. I'm tired of trying to understand it, and I'm tired of searching for reasons to fight it. I'm all in."

Finn let out a baited breath as he listened to her words, his instinct causing him to lean his face in against her touch. He felt all the soreness and worry leave his body as his muscles relaxed and he closed his eyes absorbing her words until the finally registered them in his mind. He didn't care if it'd taken him getting hurt for her to open her eyes, just like he didn't care in high school when she had to get egged by her ex-boyfriend to realize that he was the one who was going to remain by her side. Nothing else mattered to him that moment; neither football, nor millions of dollars, nor his concussion, nor even the way she'd broken his heart mattered. All that mattered was that he was standing there barely three steps inside his apartment with his face in Rachel's hands and her saying that she was ready to give them another chance.

"You realize what you're saying, right? If you're all in, you can't run away from me like you have the last two times. And you can't make decisions for us - for now nor for any kind of future we may have - without consulting and talking to me first. If you're all in, then," he paused and pulled back from her, reaching for her hand and sliding it down to his chest and holding it over his heart. "You feel that," he said and smiled as he gazed down at her with eyes full of adoration, "It's still beating really hard." He knew his voice sounded dopey right then, and what he'd just done was about the cheesiest thing he could have done at that moment but when he saw the slow smile creep over her face he knew it had been the right move. "You gotta be all in, Rachel."

Rachel nodded, leaving her hand against his heart as she tiptoed to place a bare hint of a kiss against his lips before she tucked herself back against his body and hugged him. Finn was sure his head wasn't spinning from that concussion anymore - he was positive that if he'd been in the room alone his head would have felt fine, but instead it was spinning like he was drunk. And he was: he was drunk on Rachel Berry. "Come on," he nodded towards his room. "I still don't have furniture or anything. But I have a bed which is good because I'm suppose to spend all of my time resting. I'm not even supposed to watch TV or read - or anything." He laughed slightly as he pulled her into the room kicking off his shoes before he leaned back onto the bed, Rachel barely giving him time to get comfortable before she crawled into the crook of his arm.

"I'm sorry I hit you." She said softly as she leaned up and kissed his forehead.

"It's okay, I'm sure somewhere along the line I've done something that deserved getting hit for and you let it slide so I guess we can just call it pay back." He laughed and tightened his arm around her drawing her against his chest and taking in her scent.

"It's not funny, Finn! How long are you going to be out for - did they tell you?" She shifted her position, moving against him and letting out a soft yawn as they got comfortable against each other.

"Until I can pass some kind of series of mental awareness tests. Which probably means I'll never play football again if I have to pass a test to do it." He listened as she laughed at his bad joke, smiling to himself about how she still gave him pity laughs after all this time. "It's probably going to be a week, maybe two, and then I'm going to have to fight my way back to being the starter I'm sure. But that's just how the game goes: you can fall as quickly as you rise."

"You'll be fine, you're a natural leader. And I saw you on that field: you won't have any problem getting your spot back, in fact they'd be stupid to even consider taking it away from you. You're special; I've always known that and if your coaches don't know that then they're just blind."

Her faith in him had never faltered and it had never failed to amaze him. She'd had faith in him even when he didn't have it in himself; she had always known he was going to be more than he'd ever even dreamed of being. It was one of the million reasons he'd fallen so deeply in love with her that he'd never been able to fall out of it. And he knew that if he ever started doubting himself she'd push him until he knew exactly what he was made of - and maybe that's what he needed.

Finn tilted his head down to look at Rachel who was lazily tracing the patterns on his shirt with her finger. She knew better than anyone what he was capable of, better than he even did and maybe he needed her there to push him. A smile broke out over his face, as the thought hit him like a ton of bricks. "Maybe you're right. But everything I've done has been to prove that I could be good enough for you. What if without that I'm not any good?"

"If you're afraid that I won't want you if you're not some big football star then might I remind you it wasn't Finn Hudson the football star I fell in love with," she remarked.

"I get that - but that's not what I'm saying. What if I just need some extra motivation?" At this point his lips had turned up into a half smirk as she looked up at him with questioning eyes. "What if I need to prove that you can't do any better than me?" He paused and raised his eyebrows at her and let a full smile shine through. His heart was pounding just at the thought of the words he was about to say but he knew he had to say them. He knew what he was about to propose was a crazy idea - and one highly unlikely to happen - but he needed to throw it out there and he needed to figure out a way to get her to agree. So with a couple of deep breaths he blurted out the words before he had the chance to rethink them, "Let's make a deal, if I win the Super Bowl, you have to marry me."

A gasping noise came from Rachel's mouth as she shot straight up and looked at him with an expression that was as bewildered as if she was still trying to process what he just said. Finally she shook her head with a face full of disbelief. "It's been less than thirty minutes since I even agreed to give us another try and you want to get married? It's a completely silly to wager our future on the outcome of a football game."

"It's not like I'm saying let's go get married right now. The wager's not on just one football game, you're wager on an entire season's worth of games, plus the postseason, and the Super Bowl. That's at least 18 games. Six months and 18 games - that's plenty of time. If we don't make the playoffs then you know by January that you're off the hook, maybe even sooner than that." His eyes danced with playfulness for a moment before they turned completely serious as his head tilted towards her. "I'm a rookie Quarterback in the NFL who probably just lost his starting spot; the odds aren't likely you'd ever have to go through with it."

Finn could feel Rachel's eyes searching his face ad when they met his he already knew the answer she was going to give him because they were speaking Rachel. The part of the Rachel language he was sure he was the only one in the world that understood, the part of the Rachel language that made his heart pound in his chest the way it was right then as she laid her ear down on top of it. "The odds don't know how special you are. But I do, and while it's a completely insane idea… Okay. You win the Super Bowl and I will marry you. But this arrangement stays between us until after its time has passed."

The happy grin on his face could have been seen from a thousand miles away; in fact, he was sure that it could have lit up the skyline brighter than any other light in New York City. His heart was beating so hard he could feel it in his throat as he squeezed her against his body and leaned down to capture her lips in a kiss. Everything he felt inside him got poured into that kiss, he was defiantly drunk on Rachel Berry and all he wanted at that moment was more. All the passion inside him released into the kiss and he could taste her passion for him on her tongue. His hands tangled into her hair trying desperately to push the kiss deeper despite her efforts to pull away.

"No way," she mumbled against his lips and swatted at the hand that was trying to sneak its was under her shirt. "No way, Mr. Concussion, I'm sure there's something about physical activity, sex included, in all those rules you have to follow until your head is better." She stated forcing herself off his lips and playfully grinned down at him, "Plus I hear sex is bad for the legs - and you have a Super Bowl to win."

Her head fell against his chest and she nuzzled back against his body, sinking into the crook of his arm as if it was exactly where she belonged. A comfortable feeling washed over Finn as Rachel nuzzled into his body; he looked down at her and licked his lips thinking about how far they'd come in just the past few weeks. How far his life had come since he'd met her. How different he might have been if she'd never come into his life, a small half smile crept onto his face as he gazed unashamed and shook his head to himself before he whispered softly into the darkness of the room, "You were right Rachel, you can do better than me, but I can't do better than you."

A/N: If you've noticed this to be slightly less rambling, a little easier to read and missing a whole lot of my usual mistakes that's because I must give major props to my new beta MaraMac. A huge thank you for going all English professor on me :) Now everyone's happy, including Finn and Rachel so enjoy it while it lasts because we all know with those two things are never going to be smooth sailing.


	9. Chapter 8

The afternoon sun beat into her bedroom through the cracks in the blinds as they lay together in a tangled heap on her small bed. Rachel could feel the baby hairs on the back of her neck stand up as Finn's fingers tickled up and down her arm. The calluses on his fingers dancing against the smoothness of her skin reminded her of how opposite they were, and how well they balanced each other out. The last few weeks of her life seemed like a giant whirlwind, she was still having trouble getting her head wrapped everything. Like a hurricane Finn had descended upon New York and what she thought was going to be an utter disaster that she'd never recover from had actually turned into a new beginning. They still had a long way to go and they were still figuring out how everything was going to work. And sure she had made that silly Super Bowl agreement with him but if it was what he needed to be the best then she was willing to agree to it. And she needed him to be the best as much as he did; she needed him to know that he was wonderful and that he was special. It wasn't going to take a Super Bowl win for _her_ to know these things about him - she'd known them for years - but if that's what he needed in order to be ableto believe it for himself then she was willing to agree to anything. Even if she hadn't exactly thought the whole idea through.

A content sigh came from Finn; when she glanced at his face she found his eyes closed and a relaxed smile on his face. These stolen moments in the middle of the afternoon with him were some of her favorites. They were moments that made her question why she had ever let him go in the first place. The way he made her feel, the way he looked at her like she was the one who was the big star and not him. Rachel knew that if ever a moment came when she felt her confidence slipping all she had to do was remember the way he looked at her. She closed her eyes and gave a dreamy sigh against his chest as she shifted closer to him.  
"You need a bigger bed," Finn said with a chuckle as Rachel moving closer gave him a bit more space between his body and the edge of her bed.  
"That would be a worthless investment. My bed hardly ever gets used anymore; I'm always at your place, unless you're away for a game. Tina remarked the other day that she feels like she's roommates with a ghost now that you're back," she said as she raised her head and placed a soft kiss on his chin.  
"You could stay at my place even when I'm not there you know," he remarked and raised an eyebrow at her. "It's only like twenty five percent my place anyway. Half of the stuff there is yours and another quarter of what's left are things you picked out. And you have this toddler bed here; you do realize that even your bed at your dads' house was bigger than this one, right?"  
Rachel laughed softly and shook her head against his chest, before she scooted off to one side of him and propped herself up on her elbow to look at him, "And do you realize your bed at your mom's house was the same size as this one? If I remember correctly we seemed to be able to fit into that one just fine, on numerous occasions." Her voice was slightly giggly. She watched his face and the way his eyes seemed to dance around before they met hers.  
"Of course we fit in that bed - I was 16 and I wanted to get into your pants BAD; there was no way I was letting my midget bed get in the way of that." He laughed and playfully tickled her sides, making her squirm underneath his touch. It almost sent both of them to the floor. "Seriously though," he said as he hugged her against his body after rescuing her from falling off, "All your stuff is already at my place, why don't you just move in?"

Rachel raised herself off of his body with a sigh and looked into his eyes for a moment; they were soft and sincere and hopeful. It wasn't the first time he'd brought up the idea, but as much as she loved this new beginning with him she wasn't comfortable having that talk with him yet. It was way too soon for them to consider actually living together, he was still getting settled and she already had her routine.

This wasn't a conversation they needed to be having right then, nor was it one she wanted to have right before he left for the entire weekend. She glanced away from him and looked to her bedside clock. 2:45 pm. "What time do you have to be at the airport?" she asked, deciding to completely disregard the suggestion, and reached for the hairbrush on her nightstand. She pulled the brush through her hair a few times before she reached to the floor, to grab and pull on Finn's old Purdue sweatshirt.

"5:30," he mumbled and pushed himself up to lean against her headboard. Rachel could tell by the tone of his mumbled answer that her completely ignoring his question wasn't the reaction he'd been hoping for. The last thing he needed on his mind before a game were doubts about her commitment to him.

"You need to leave soon then," she said softly before she turned around in the bed to face him. "It's not that I don't want to move in with you, Finn. But moving in together is a huge a step and we haven't been back together that long and…"

"And you're still worried that you're going to be seen as the actress trying to ride off of my fame?" The look on his face as soon as the words left his mouth told her that the remark came out more snide than he'd meant it to sound. But she couldn't deny that inside she did feel that way. She didn't want producers and talent agencies to see her as Finn Hudson's girlfriend because she knew that would be a double edged sword. Rachel didn't want to be on the New York City sports pedestal with him because someone needed to be there to catch him if he fell, and she knew she wouldn't be able to do that if they were both falling.

So for the second time that afternoon, instead of saying anything, she ignored his comment as she stood from the bed to brush out the rest of her hair. "You should eat before you go to the airport; I'll go make you something. You're going to be gone all weekend and I know you won't eat anything even remotely healthy if left to yourself. You'll eat room service, or fast food, or whatever else you can scrounge up. You and Dustin should really think about getting a buddy system going and go out to eat while you're on the road; that way you can have a decent meal," she rambled out in a true Rachel Berry fashion before she finally turned around to see his eyes locked on her in a way she hadn't expected. Rachel had expected to see a look of annoyance or frustration on his face. But instead she found him lying there with a wistful smile curling his lips, his eyes locked on her with a soft, almost dreamy look. A blush crept over her body and found her cheeks as she tried to suppress a smile, her voice almost shy as she questioned him, "Why are you looking at me like that?"  
Finn shook his head as if he was shaking himself from a daze before he drew a deep breath and tilted his head to one side, "I spent many a nights in college wondering what you'd look like in that sweatshirt," he whispered softly.

Rachel grinned as she felt her face almost burning under his gaze. There it was again, that feeling that came along every time he looked at her that way. It was like the last twenty minutes had never happened and before she knew it she'd crawled back into the bed with him and was resting her head on his chest, listening carefully to his heart beat as if she were trying to make sure he was real. Sometimes she thought that's why she liked hearing his heartbeat so much: it reminded her how real he was, that he wasn't just a dream. That the boy she'd never thought could be hers actually was hers. "I wish you didn't have to go for the weekend," she said quietly as she moved her hand up his stomach and traced patterns along his skin with her fingertip. "I wish we could just stay like this."

"Me too Rach," his voice came out almost as quietly as hers before he kissed the top of her hand and let out a small laugh as he reached and moved her face up to where he could lean down and softly kiss her, "But I've got a Super Bowl to win," he said against her lips, all the hope in the world coming out with his words.

The hope in his voice made Rachel's heart thump against her chest. Maybe it was silly of them to put their future in the hands of football games, but in that moment Rachel didn't care about how fast things had been moving or how silly it was or anything else. In that moment all she heard was the hope in his voice. A hope that told her winning the Super Bowl wasn't important to him because it would make him a national star. The hope in his voice told her that winning a Super Bowl meant he'd win her and that's what was important to him. Maybe it was silly for them to put their future in the hands of a football game, but it wasn't as much of a chance as anyone would think it to be because she knew that he had already won her heart years ago and that wasn't going to change, Super Bowl or no Super Bowl.

"Yes you do," she responded, reaching up and tangling her fingers into his hair, holding his face to hers, "We've still got about an hour." Before he could respond she was already slipping back under the blankets with him.

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Not all wins came easy, but a win was a win. And Finn Hudson had walked off the football field that night a winner. For the fifth week in a row he'd walked off the football field a winner and no one could take that away from him. Sure it had been a hard fought win. The defenses' plan seemed to be to hit him as often as they could without getting a flag thrown, so he'd taken several shots that had put him on his back and probably scared Rachel a time or two. But he was a rookie quarterback who was winning games; he knew the target on his back was huge for other teams. He knew that every defense he faced wanted to give him a little 'Welcome to the NFL' shot. And as long as no one put his lights out again Finn was okay with taking a hit or two in order to earn their respect. Besides there hadn't been a defense yet that he hadn't lit up with his passing game so he got to give them his own version of a thank you.

They were over a quarter of the way through the season now and the Jets were a solid 5-0 - they were winners with no signs of slowing down. The fans were in a craze, the entire city seemed to love him - well, except for the ones that were Giants fans, but they at least respected him. And Rachel, the girl who had always been his biggest fan, was back in New York waiting for him. Finn was a winner and he liked being a winner - who didn't? Outsiders may have seen the way he was grinning like an idiot at his locker as arrogance but his team knew as well as he did that it wasn't arrogance - he was just happy. If anyone were to ask him to describe his emotions and where he was in his life, he'd honestly simply say happy. So happy he was whistling to himself as he changed when Dustin finally made his way over to the lockers.

"How you feeling, Hudson?" Dustin asked as he started collecting his things from the locker next to Finn's. "I know they put you on your ass a good time or two."

"I'm fine! I'm sure I'll be a little sore tomorrow but it's nothing an ice bath and a good massage can't fix." He shrugged and watched as Dustin tilted his head almost as if he was trying to study Finn. In fact Finn was pretty sure his friend was trying to study him.

"We're friends, right, Hudson? Known each other a while now, my wife feeds you dinner once a week, sometimes twice. So I want you to level with me." The seriousness in Dustin's tone and the stern questioning look on his face made Finn slightly nervous, almost intimidated. No one wanted a guy who was 6'4" and 235 pounds of all muscle staring them down. "Before you were even a real prospect for the league, I always knew you'd be one one day. You had everything that teams want in a quarterback; you're a leader, hell of an athlete and a smart kid. But when you were at Purdue and I'd watch those games there was just always something off. And I never could put my finger on it, but it's like you were missing the passion. So as much as I lobbied to make you a Jet, it concerned me that maybe you didn't have the passion that was needed to be a winner in this league." Dustin paused and looked Finn up and down for a moment before he shook his head and raised an eyebrow, "Then when we started training camp it was like I was seeing a whole new kid. A kid that I knew could do great things. And you're not the type of guy who's in this for the money, so I know it wasn't the money that made you better… So level with me Hudson, what changed? Because you went from a kid going through the motions to this unstoppable beast that plays the game more naturally than anything I've ever seen."

"You want the truth?" Finn asked as he zipped up his bag. He knew that what he was about to tell tell his longtime friend was probably going to get him laughed at - was going to seem completely girlie. "Rachel," he said, in a way that made her name sound like it was the only word on Earth that mattered.

"Song Bird?" Dustin wasn't laughing as he questioned Finn by simply repeating the nickname he'd given Rachel after the night Finn had chased after her out of the karaoke bar.

"Yeah," he said with a sure tone and nodded his head. "She's what changed. It's funny because it seems like she's been at the root of every major change my life has ever gone through, but she's definately what changed me. When she broke up with me I stopped caring. And everything I did fell into one of two categories: I was either just going through the motions or I was trying to prove that I was good enough for her. There was a time when I defined who I was with football and she taught me different and that made me better. When she left me I went back to defining myself through football, and I was never happy."

"And now?"

"I've got the one thing back that made me happier than anything else in this world. And she may have a fucked up way of showing it sometimes but I know she just wants the best for me, and I know she's going to love me even if I fall." Finn took in a deep breath as he got lost in the moment thinking about Rachel and how badly he couldn't wait to get back to New York - get back to her. "She would kill me if she knew I was telling you this, but I got her to agree to marry me if I win the Super Bowl, so I'm going to win the fucking Super Bowl." He grinned over at Dustin, who sat next to him staring and shaking his head at him in disbelief.

"You're a rookie quarterback and you bet marriage on winning the Super Bowl this year?"

Finn laughed at the way Dustin spoke like Finn had started speaking in another language. "Yep, sure did. But keep that between us - Rachel would kill me if she knew I'd told anyone about that. Mike and Tina don't even know and we've known them since high school." He knew Dustin probably thought he was completely insane but he made the statement as simple and plain as he could, as if betting your future on something like that was as normal a thing as any. And while Finn knew that his agreement with Rachel was the farthest thing from normal, he wasn't ashamed of it. If Rachel weren't so against the idea of letting anyone in on their secret agreement he'd probably have told the whole team by now; not that he thought that would be the best idea either since they would probably think he was insane.

Dustin let out a scoffed laugh through his nose, "You bet marriage on the fucking Super Bowl," he said again, this time more to himself than to Finn, before he looked to Finn with a genuine smile, "Well, Song Bird's just gonna have to marry you then. Because we're gonna win the fucking Super Bowl."


	10. Chapter 9

"9-0, you ready to head to South Beach and make that 10-0?" Dustin quipped at Finn as they began to shed their gear in the locker room after practice. "Because I know I'm ready to go eat seafood, preferable of the Dolphin variety." He hung his tongue out as he tossed his shirt into his locker.

"Yeah, yeah," Finn said and nodded as he sat down to take off his cleats. "I'm ready."

The more wins the team collected without a loss, the more attention they received, the more humble Finn got about it all. He didn't want to let himself get caught up in all the hype that was surrounding them - they were considered the hottest team in the NFL, and it was starting to seem like if he wasn't playing football he was talking about it with team mates, or reporters, or fans, or pretty much anyone who recognized him on the street. And he was getting recognized more and more as the days passed. His usual disguise of a baseball cap and sunglasses had stopped working sometime around win number seven, which was right about the time he and Rachel stopped trying to do anything in public and resorted to quiet dinners in his apartment. Or their apartment as he liked to think of it - he couldn't remember the last time Rachel went back to her apartment for more than a few hours unless he was out of town, but for some reason she still refused to actually move in with him. It was a discussion he planned to bring up soon without letting her get away with the usual 'if you win the Super Bowl they'll be no need for this discussion' blow off.

Aside from her reluctance to actually move in with him, Finn didn't have a complaint about how things were going with their relationship. She had become his saving grace, his quiet moment, the person who saw him as just Finn. When he was with Rachel he felt at peace. In a world where he felt like everyone wanted something - and most of them did - she was the one person in that crazy city that put him completely at peace. Their Super Bowl agreement may have started something to motivate him to win, but he truly believed that if he didn't have Rachel he wouldn't be playing the game the way he was and winning the games he was winning. Because in all of the noise, the buzzing of radios, the roar of crowds, the sounds of reporters' voices in his ear - in all of that noise all he needed to do was think of her voice, hear her voice singing in his mind, and it all went away. It all went away and he could think, and he could make smart plays on the field. He was pretty sure Rachel's voice had something to do with the reason why he'd thrown 14 touchdowns with only 4 interceptions.

"You've been really quiet lately, things okay? Song Bird still singing?"

Finn looked over and nodded as the half smile took over his mouth, "Yeah, everything's okay. Just a little overwhelming sometimes, a lot to take in and absorb. A lot of people pulling me in a lot of different directions. But…" he stopped and gave Dustin a slight shrug. "Things are great with Rachel, she's like my solace in all of it and…"

A voice stopped Finn mid-sentence as he looked over at the assistant coach who was motioning his way. "Hey Finn - you might want to come see this," the man said firmly as Finn and Dustin looked to each other before getting up and following him into the film room.

Finn looked around the room in bewilderment; several of his team mates were gathered there and everyone was staring silently at the television. "What's going on?" His voice seeped with confusion as no one said anything; they only motioned for Finn to watch the television. His eyes turned to the screen and as soon as the news broadcast came back from commercial all Finn could do was stare as his mind slipped into a state of panic and horror.

"Who is this woman and what does she have to do with the Jets' run for The Super Bowl?" The reporter asked as a picture of Rachel flashed on the screen. Finn felt his legs give as the man on the screen talked; it was noise, the loudest noise he'd ever heard. His mouth was completely dry and all he could do was stare - and pray this was some kind of horrible nightmare.

"Her name is Rachel Berry, a young up-and-coming New York based actress, and high school sweetheart of Jets rookie quarterback Finn Hudson. The two have been spotted together on numerous occasions throughout the city…" Finn's eyes grew wide as the screen flashed pictures of him and Rachel together, all of them with him wearing his baseball cap and sunglasses and her trailing a few steps behind him. How could people have been taking pictures of him and he not even have realized it? His head was officially spinning now.

"Our team sources confirmed that quarterback Hudson and Ms Berry reconnected shortly after his arrival in New York and have rekindled their high school flame. But what does all of this have to do with the Super Bowl? Well, our sources have also confirmed that the couple has agreed to get married if Hudson and the Jets win the Super Bowl. Talk about a high stakes wager, huh? Neither Mr. Hudson's nor Ms. Berry's reps could be reached for comment. But I believe I speak for all Jets fans when I say we all hope Mr. Hudson and Ms. Berry end up in a long happy union of marriage come February…"

Now there was anger seeping out of Finn's pores as he glared over to Dustin, the only person he'd told. "Was it you?" He asked in a harsh sharp voice as he stood up, "Tell me was it you?" Finn watched as Dustin looked back at him with a look of shock, shaking his head no.

He didn't wait for Dustin to speak before he looked around the room at his team mates and coaches, "Someone better fess up real quick," he said, pointing to the television screen, "who the fuck is the team source? Someone better fess up." He waited a moment for a sign that anyone was going to say anything but his rage didn't allow him to stay quiet for too long. "Someone better fess up really quick because whoever this fucking team source is, you're screwing with my life. Rachel's not a game to me, she's not some model I'm going to discard in a week, and she's not a photo-op to get my picture in another magazine, or my name on the news again." His voice was booming through the small room as he continued to yell. His voice was getting louder with each word, his face getting redder by the minute. "Whoever decided to open their mouth to the media about something that was none of their business, I hope you're happy, I hope you feel like you got your ten minutes of fame or whatever your motivation was. I'm done." He stormed out of the film room, his hands shaking with rage and his head still spinning from what he'd just witnessed.

There were a million emotions that he needed to process about what he'd just seen, but as he dashed out of the training facility there was only one thing on his mind: Rachel.


	11. Chapter 10

Finn had prayed to himself the entire drive home that Rachel would still be waiting at his apartment with dinner like they'd planned. He prayed that maybe he'd get lucky and she wouldn't have seen or heard about the broadcast before he got to her and he'd be able to be the one to tell her about it, even if he didn't have a single clue how to explain it. Dustin was the only person he'd told about his and Rachel's Super Bowl agreement and no one on the team had fessed up to being the reporter's confirmed source. Finn hadn't even had time to process how he felt about having his privacy and trust betrayed. He hadn't had time to think that this was going to be a part of living out a career that put him in the public eye. All he was concerned with was Rachel and what he was going to say. How he was going to explain her picture being on the news and their agreement over the Super Bowl being public knowledge. All he had hoped was she would still be at his apartment waiting on him when he pushed open his door. Things weren't going to be that easy though.

She had been in his apartment, the smell of food still lingered in the air. The candles that were strategically placed on the end tables by the sofa and lined up around the coffee table were still warm to the touch. There were fresh flowers that sat as the centerpiece to the dining room table she'd insisted he buy. All signs pointed to Rachel being there but as he went from room to room of the apartment calling her name all he got in response was his own voice echoing back at him. But just to be thorough he checked every room, hoping maybe he'd find her hiding and ignoring him in one of them. Once he got to the bedroom he didn't need to see that everything was exactly as they'd left it that morning, with their clothes on the room and the blankets half pulled off the bed. By the time he got to the bedroom his hope that she was there somewhere waiting for him to get home was gone. In another time or place, in a different world where he was a different person he would have sat on the edge of his empty bed and wondered if he should just give her some space and wait on her to come around. But he had done that once before and she never came around, he wasn't going to let that happen this time. Not without a fight, he'd told her once he didn't give up that easy and damn it he meant it.

"Rachel!" He called out knocking on her door for a moment he had the fleeting thought that maybe he should have called to make sure she was there before he just showed up. But that thought passed as he realized that calling would have just given her a chance to go somewhere else before he got there. It didn't matter, he knew she was inside the apartment the knot in his stomach told him so. It took a few more times of calling out her name and knocking like a mad man before the door flung open and he was met with Rachel face. She could try to put on an expressionless exterior as much as she wanted but Finn knew the language of Rachel Berry and it pained him to see the hurt that was in her eyes as she looked at him. "Hi," he said softly because at that moment he couldn't think of anything else to say. He had never been good with words and now wasn't the time for him to start rambling off the millions of them that were running through his brain.

"Hi?" The way she spoke the word like a bitter question cut him like a knife as she stepped back and let him inside the apartment closing the door and leaning against it. "I really hope you have more to say than hi because I am furious right now." Her voice was calm but shaky at best as she spoke and all Finn wanted to do was reach out and comfort her but the voice in the back of his mind told him that wasn't the best idea.

"Rachel, I am so sorry, I had no idea I'm just as blindsided by this as you are." His words started coming out fast and unrehearsed but as quickly as he started she cut him off.

"I am humiliated right now. Completely and utterly humiliated. And you can't be as blindsided by this as I am. Because I hadn't told anyone about our agreement," the icy bitterness of her tone was new to him; it was something he'd never heard in her voice before. Overdramatic, pleading, scary intensity were all things he'd expected from her, not bitter and so cold it chilled his bones. He watched carefully as she closed her eyes and took several deep breaths, wringing her hands together as she started to speak again. "And when I say anyone I mean anyone, not even Tina who I live with, or my Dads," she paused to take a deep breath and wipe away a stray tear that had formed in her eye. "Do you have any idea what it feels like when your fathers are calling you asking you why they're hearing about your engagement on ESPN?" He couldn't tell if it was fire or ice in her eyes as she finally opened them to make eye contact with him causing a lump to form in the back of his throat. "And if you'd like I can play you the string of voicemails I have on my phone from a bunch of other people asking why they weren't let in on our plan but they all pretty much say the same thing," she scoffed out at him.

Finn felt helpless as he stood in front of her with his hands jammed in his pockets. A part of him wanted to rage out and let her know that he was just as angry and upset over the situation as she was. But the voice in his head told him that rage would solve nothing and if anything would just fuel Rachel's fire. So he stood there with his hands in his pockets at a complete loss for what to tell her, trying not to let the jumble of emotions and words in his brain come falling out in a nonsensical ramble. "You don't think I'm just as humiliated by all of this? You think I wanted my personal life all over the news? Because I don't that's why I agreed with you that we should keep it to ourselves." He kept his voice as calm as he could as he talked taking baby steps towards her, "And the first thing I thought about when I saw the broadcast was you. It wasn't me, or my career, or my privacy, it was you."

He watched as Rachel stepped away from the door, for a moment he thought she was going to step into his arms, but she just stepped away from the door and shook her head. "I feel so hurt and so betrayed right now." Her eyes opened and he could clearly see the glistening of tears in them, "And not because of media, or the news, or the fact that obviously someone's been following us around and taking pictures. I'm hurt and betrayed by you. My first thought was you too, but it was how I couldn't believe you'd done this to me. I didn't want to believe it. But you did the moment you told someone, and you haven't denied it which just proves me right." Her voice was soft and radiated the hurt she felt for a moment. A hurt that shot through to Finn's core and made the emotional pain feel like physical pain. But that sentence was where the hurt in her voice stopped. Her eyes shifted and the iciness returned. "If I wanted to be known because of who I was sleeping with I'd have already slept way to the top by now."

Finn felt his face fall and the lump in his throat dissolve along with any resistance he had to starving off the emotions he was feeling, "Excuse me?" He asked in shock as to what she'd just said to him. "Who you're sleeping with that's all that I am is who you're sleeping with?"

"That's not what I meant Finn and you know that."

"Well it sure as hell sounds like that's what you meant. And it sure as hell sounds like you don't give a damn that I am hurt and betrayed too right now. Are you even concerned with my side of this? Because I told Dustin, that's it. And that's someone who was my friend and mentor long before I was on a football team with him and I don't want to believe it was him so I'm not going to think it was him. But you don't give a damn about my side of the story because obviously all you're concerned about is your name and what people are going to think about you right?"

Rachel stood in front of him with her mouth hanging open, usually rendering Rachel Berry speechless would be considered an accomplishment but right now all he wanted was for her to say something. He wanted validation for his emotions and when she didn't say anything his rage just got worse. "I should be more than that Rachel. You are the one person in this God forsaken city, the one person ever in my life that has never made me feel like they wanted something for me I couldn't give them. I've spent more time than is reasonable trying to prove that I was good enough for you and I've never wondered if you were good enough for me, until now." He spit out immediately regretting the last words from his mouth and letting his face soften to show the regret. "I love you Rachel. The good, the bad, the crazy, the overdramatic, I have always loved you."

A tear rolled down her cheek as she shook her head at him. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm not good enough for you. Don't you see it Finn? You're the big shot quarterback again and I'm the nothing and I swore to myself a long time ago that I would never let anyone make me feel like a nothing again. Not even you. Go home Finn, you have a game worry about. A lot of people you don't want to let down." She said softly as she crossed in front of him and made her way in the direction of her bedroom.

Finn turned around to watch her walk as he licked his lips before speaking, "Tell me you don't love me. Tell me you don't love me and I am just who you're sleeping with and I'll go home." He watched as Rachel turned to face him, their eyes meeting as they both remained silent. He studied her face as she drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes, his heart pounding so hard he could feel it in his entire body as he waited for her to say the words he feared. But she didn't, and he knew it was because she couldn't, she was there in front of him speaking her language again and he knew that her silence said more than anything. "This isn't over. You don't get to just walk away from me this time, it's not that easy. And I'm not going anywhere." He said firmly and nodded in the direction of the couch, as he sat down and watched her shrug slightly before she made her way into her room, the sound of the door closing behind her echoing so loudly in his brain he thought he might be having repercussions of his concussion. "I'm not going anywhere." He said quietly to himself after several minutes had passed, almost jumping up as he heard footsteps coming towards him.

"Sorry," Tina emerged from the kitchen and gave him a sympathetic look.

Finn looked around confused for a moment letting his brain process that it was Tina and not Rachel walking in his direction, "You heard everything?"

She nodded silently as she took a seat next to him on the sofa, "She came home and locked herself in her room. I didn't have to ask why of course," she let out a small laugh as she tried in vain to joke. "I was in the kitchen when you started knocking, I was going to come answer but the next thing I knew I heard you two going at it, so I decided the safest move was to stay in the kitchen." Tina reached up and put a comforting hand on Finn's shoulder.

"I'm sorry you had to wait through all of that."

"It's not your fault. Rachel's taking this pretty hard but it's not your fault. If anything it's hers, you've got the life she wanted for you. But she never thought she was going to be a part of that life and now she's having to deal with that. And we all know that Rachel doesn't exactly deal with things in the most…. Sane way." Another soft laugh came through but this time Finn felt himself give a laugh with her.

"I know you forget I fell in love with crazy Rachel."

"Crazy, selfish, acting exactly like she is right now Rachel is exactly who you fell in love with. I know I was there. And that's exactly why you should go home," Tina reached up and ran a hand down his face in a calming manner. "Because you know she's not coming out of that room any time tonight. And probably not tomorrow either but she'll come around she loves you Finn, even if her way of showing it is a little…"

"Crazy," he said softly and gave her a shrug as he leaned back against the couch and let out a deep sigh.


	12. Chapter 11

NFL teams weren't supposed to celebrate after a loss. And you never celebrated a loss to a division rival. That wasn't normal behavior by any means but it was exactly what the majority of the members of the Jets were doing on the bus ride home. They'd lost a tough fought battle in Boston against the Patriots and yet they were still celebrating. And they were celebrating because Miami had lost, too, and now, despite the loss they took, their future in the post season was secure. The New York Jets were 12-1 and had locked up a win in the AFC East. They still had one more game to win before they secured home field advantage but right now that didn't matter; they were in the playoffs and the Super Bowl was getting so close everyone could taste it. But while his team mates cheered and popped champagne around him, Finn Hudson just didn't feel much like celebrating. He didn't feel much like doing anything except sitting in the back of the bus with his IPod and reflecting. It had been three weeks since he'd last seen or spoken to Rachel. Three weeks of answering 'no comment' anytime he was asked about the Super Bowl or Rachel. Three weeks of public speculation over the status of their relationship. A part of Finn wished the public could speculate enough to figure it all out for him because he didn't have a clue where he and Rachel stood anymore. Sure he should assume that they were done, the pattern was falling into a similar pattern to the one she used the first time she broke up with him, but Finn refused to accept that. He hadn't figured out how yet but he was going to get Rachel to talk to him again, and if he won the Super Bowl by then dam nit - he was making going to make her hold up her end of the agreement. Of course he knew realistically there was no way to force Rachel Berry into doing anything she didn't want to but for now he could at least pretend he didn't know better.

"Mind if I have a seat?"

Finn's thoughts were snapped back into reality as he saw Coach hovering over the seat next to him. "No, go ahead," he said, removing his earphones from his ears and motioning to the seat. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, but you're awfully quiet. You just made the playoffs and you're sitting here as solemn as if we just lost the Bowl. I know you still don't fully trust these guys; I can see it in your game; - I can see it in your body language. Someone on this team broke your trust and now you don't trust any of them. I get it, I do. Girlfriend still pissed at you?" Coach pulled his hat back away from his eyes and watched his quarterback's face drop.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Finn grumbled and shot his coach a side eye. "Thought you didn't get involved in guys' personal lives."

"I don't unless it becomes a team issue and yours, …r well… It's it is a team issue. I'm not gonna put you under a microscope. I just want to make sure that my quarterback has his head in the right place."

Finn turned his body in his seat and studied the older man's face. He wasn't sure exactly what his Coach wanted him to say. His head was in the right place when he was on the field. When he was on the field he On it, he didn't think, he reacted. The field was the one place where everything else going on didn't matter, . it It was as soon as he walked off the field and into the locker room that everything else invaded his head.

Finn gave his coach an awkward half smile, . "Don't worry, Coach, whatever's going on with me and Rachel, I still want to win a Super Bowl, but…" He paused to collect his thoughts, thoughts that he knew were bound to come out in a nonsensical manner. "You know what I think about when I think about winning a Super Bowl? Drew Brees."

Finn punctuated the end of his sentence with silence. Rachel would have called it a dramatic pause, and maybe it was, but Finn wanted to make sure that what he was about to say was going to be heard and maybe even understood. "I got compared a lot of to the guy in college, you know; he was the last major quarterback out of Purdue, - I even broke a couple of his school records," Finn caught himself about to ramble and stopped tilting his head from side to side as if he was trying to unscramble the thoughts racing in his brain. "Anyway, the year Drew won his first Super Bowl with the Saints there was this picture of him standing on the platform with his little boy and his wife standing there looking at them. That was the classic Super Bowl image that year. That was the picture everyone in America saw on the front page of every paper the next morning;, that was the picture from the game that made the cover of Sports Illustrated, . I think half the country fell in love with Drew and his son after that… When I think about the Super Bowl I think about how right there, in that moment, Drew Brees had it all. Because even after the cameras stopped taking pictures, he got to go share that moment with the two most important people in the world to him. And without them maybe the moment wouldn't have meant as much… There was a time when winning a football game was the most important thing in the world to me, hell there was a time when I even prayed to a sandwich about it." Finn stopped again and shook his head before Coach had a chance to even ask about his sandwich statement, "Don't ask. But what I'm realizing is that winning, being on top, - it doesn't seem to mean that much unless you have it all."

His face dropped the awkward and slightly uncomfortable smile he'd been wearing since Coach had sat down. And for a moment Finn turned his eyes to look out the bus window as a his face took on a melancholy expression over took his face, but determination still reflected from his eyes, "And I want it all. I won't settle for anything less, . Rachel taught me that."

As the words left his mouth he knew they were coming out almost as if he was shocked he was saying them, which in that moment he kind of was. It was a revelation, like a missing piece to the puzzle had finally been inserted and in that very moment Finn understood.

Xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxx

It was late Sunday evening before Rachel ever even wandered out of her bedroom. She hadn't had to watch Finn's game to know that the Jets lost: she could hear Mike and Tina's reactions well enough to know exactly what was going on.

At one point she'd almost gotten up to go join them just so once she started speaking to him again, she 'could know exactly how badly she needed to lecture Finn on his lack of focus. But then it occurred to her that his lack of focus probably had something to do with her and she retreated back to the comfort of her bed and Gypsy on DVD.

It wasn't that she didn't want to figure things out; it was just their relationship and their agreement being out in the public just dug up a lack of trust she had once had in him. And it certainly wasn't helping matters that her fear of being recognized solely for being Finn Hudson's girlfriend had come true. She knew it was selfish of her to blame him, ; she knew that if she wanted to fully be with him she would have to get over her distaste for sharing the spotlight. It had never bothered her before to share the spotlight with Finn, but that was always because she felt like it was her sharing her spotlight with him. Now it was him sharing his spotlight with her and she wasn't sure how to deal with it. When she'd imagined out this life for him, she wasn't hadn't given herself a part of in it so she'd never bothered to imagine or fanatiacsize about how she would handle it. And right now she didn't want to. Rachel spent all of her free time, - every moment when she wasn't auditioning or rehearsing - was spent trying to figure out what to say to Finn.

TAfter the game was done, Mike and Tina had headed out to dinner and she just wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet of having the apartment to herself. The plan was to fill the entire space with the voice of Barbra Streisand, and sing along like nothing else in the world mattered; because when she was singing, nothing else did matter. Rachel was tired of thinking about Finn, tired of trying to figure how to deal with the questions people constantly asked about him, or the looks they shot her from across the room, the way some people would even point and whisper. All of that drudged up every bit of insecurity she had ever felt in her life and she was tired of trying to figure out how to deal with it so she could make a relationship with Finn work. She was tired of wishing he was just her adorable Finn Hudson, and not Finn Hudson, the New York Jets and America's quarterback. A sigh crossed her lips as she stood in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of wine softly singing along as she started to try and lose herself in Barbra's voice, her eyes slipping closed and. then poppingBut seconds later they popped open again at the sound of a light knocking against her front door, the sound causing her to jump slightly and almost spill the red wine of over herself. Her heart leapt into her throat as Rachel waited a moment for another knock to make sure there actually was someone at the door.

Rachel's eyes grew wide when she opened it.

"My apartment's really big.,"

Rachel's eyes grew wide as Finn's voice greeted her once the door was open.

"What?" She tilted her head in confused confusion, still trying to get over the fact he was standing in front of her in the first place.

"The first time I took you to my apartment you said it was huge. That you had never actually been in a New York City apartment that big. And every apartment you'd ever seen in New York was so tiny. And you were right - my apartment's really big, and it's lonely without you." ," He he remarked, giving her his trademark half grin. But there was something sad with sad undertones to it, it was – a sadness a look that broke threatened to break her heart as she stepped aside to let him inside her apartment.

"Well, you have to admit, this place is tiny compared to yours," she shrugged as she moved to put her wine glass down on her coffee table. The glass clanged against the table as when her unsteady hands tried to put set it down. Rachel took several calm breaths as she looked at Finn standing in front of her with, his hands jammed in his pockets and a that broken expression on his face. "Finn, I…"

"No," he said sharply cutting her off sharply because before she could get a sentence outany further, his expression quickly changing from sadness to something Rachel couldn't quiet place. He was looking at her in a way he never had before. "You got to talk last time, now it's my turn."

She watched as his chest puffed up and he took a deep breath as if he were mustering up courage.

"The life I have is what you wanted for me. You said you broke up with me so I would have a chance at a future of my own. So I wouldn't just follow you around and eventually resent you, right. ? And I believe you; that had something to do with it and all - but I don't think that's everything. I think you were afraid of having to life in my spotlight just as much. And maybe you don't even see that something else. And you wanna know what I think it is? I didn't realize until I saw you on stage in the bar that night that I… that everything I had been doing was so I could prove that I could be good enough for you. So I did - I. I proved to myself and hopefully to you that I'm good enough. And what's more: I proved I can do it without you. I don't need you to win a Super Bowl, I know that and you know that. And regardless of what happens with the rest of this season I don't have to prove anything to myself anymore but you… You you do," he said as he drew in a sharp breath and took a step closer to her. "I think you need to prove to yourself that you can do it without me. I think you're afraid that you need me… that you always have needed me for a part of your success. It doesn't have anything to do with me anymore, and I realize that now. I know exactly what I've got and where I'm going with my life and what I want. I've made my money and my name. You haven't, though, and I think you need to prove to yourself that that you don't need my name attached to you to make it." By the time he finished he was started directly standing right in front of her, almost as if he was hovering over her almost as if he was on alert in case she tried to run.

"So do it, - I know you can. There's never been a doubt in my mind from the first moment I met you that you were going to be a star. So get out there and prove to yourself that you don't need me to do it," his voice came out harsh and short as he moved in closer, softly grabbing her hand to prevent her from moving away from him as he leaned down and closed his eyes tight before he pressed his lips to her forehead. His lips felt tightly puckered against her skin and she could fell his face quivering as he pulled away. "Prove it to yourself, so you can hurry up and come back to me." Finn words came out barely above a whisper and before Rachel even had time to truly process what he was saying she felt him press his lips to her forehead again before he stepped back. The loss of the heat radiating from his body causing caused her to shiver slightly as Rachel opened her eyes in just enough time to see him look back at her, their eyes meeting for the briefest of moments before he left her standing staring there, staring blankly at her front door with his last words bouncing around in her head as they tried to find a way to burn themselves into her soul.

As she regained her composure Rachel made her way over to the window and pulled back the curtains with just enough time to see Finn pull his coat tightly around him as he started to walk in the harsh December cold. Her eyes continued to follow his figured until he disappeared out from of her view. She wanted to chase after him, to tell him that he was right. That she needed him and that's that was why she was so afraid of what they really could be. She knew that if she didn't chase after him she could lose him, and that this time there wouldn't be another shot. But she was paralyzed as his words echoed in him her mind. 'Prove it to yourself, so you can hurry up and come back to me.'

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She hadn't even tried to stop him from leaving. Finn's thoughts to himself were a mess as he crossed the street in front of Rachel's apartment and tucked his hands into his pockets before he stopped to look over at Rachel's building. A deep sigh came out from of his chest – a sigh so heavy it was clearly visible in the cold night air. She hadn't even tried to stop him; he didn't hadn't even realized he had been hoped hoping she would until he was outside of her apartment building with his chest still filled with heartache. For a moment he contemplated going back inside chasing after Rachel Berry the way he had since he was a teenager. His heart screamed at him to, but his brain held him back. And his pride wouldn't let him go make a fool out of himself. He wasn't sure how long he stood there staring at her building but it was long enough for him to talk himself into going to drown his sorrows.

His feet shuffled awkwardly beneath him as he started to walk down the side walk, Rachel's apartment building growing farther away with each step. It took roughly five blocks before Finn found a bar;, the hot air from inside hit his face as he pulled the door open and shrugged off his coat. as he walked to the bar, "a A shot of whiskey and a beer and keep both coming," Finn stated as he pulled the bar stool underneath him and started to look around and realize where he was. He had gotten an oddly familiar feeling when he walked inside and as he took in the small stage to the left and the jukebox lit up in the back corner, Finn realized exactly where he was. It was the bar he'd come to with his team mates the first night he saw Rachel in New York. He let out a groan and reached for the shot in front of him, quickly downing it and chasing it with his beer. Of course he would manage to a pick a bar that reminded him of Rachel, when all he wanted to do was drink until he forgot her for a moment, ; that was just his luck. Another groan came from his mouth as he felt a tap on his shoulder as he picked up his second shot. Finn quickly threw back the shot, not even bothering to put on his 'public smile' as he turned around.

"Hi, I know who you are." ," said the petite blond that stood in front of him with a plastic smile plastered on her face said as she tilted her head in towards Finn.

"You and half the country," he sarcastic remarked sarcastically and scratched at the back of his head. "Look - I don't mean to be rude but I just want to have a couple of drinks, it's been a rough day so if you want an autograph or something…" He stopped midsentence as he watched the blonde girl quickly move to sit in the chair next to his. "What are you doing?"

"I'll have a martini, and get him another round of whatever he's drinking," the girl turned to Finn with a sly grin on her face, "You said you just want to drink, so I'm buying you a drink."

Finn stared the girl down for a moment before he closed his eyes and rubbed at his temples, "Give me another shot, leave my drinks on my tab and keep them coming." He grumbled at the bartender as he turned his chair back to stare at his reflection in the mirror behind the bar.


	13. Chapter 12

A/N: please forgive this chapter for being short, unbeta-ed and lacking in detail. I've only got about 3-4 chapters left and needed to push the plot forward so I can finish this story because despite slow updates I promise I'm not actually trying to time this with the Super Bowl. The next few chapters will be longer, beta-ed and begin to actually wrap the plot up I promise. Consider this a bit of filler in order to get to more meaningful chapters

Nothing good happens after two am, Rachel was sure she had heard that saying before. In fact she had even lived it a few times. That's why when her phone rang at 2:45 in the morning; she knew it wasn't going to be for something good. And by damn she was right because the saying was true nothing good happens after two am. That's why she found herself getting out of a cab and walking inside a bar at an ungodly hour of the morning. This was not where she wanted to be. She wanted to be back at her apartment in her bed sleeping off the night's earlier events. No scratched that what she really wanted was to rewind time and be at Finn's apartment in Finn's bed not sleeping. Not walking into bar at three am praying that she could get in and out without any kind of scene.

It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the low lighting as she walked into the nearly empty bar. With the exception of the couple of times she had managed to stay until last call Rachel had never seen the bar this empty. But then again it was a Monday morning and by this time even the Broadway crowd had already headed home. She blew out a breath and drew her coat tighter around her body as she made her way towards the bartender.

"Alright, I'm here. What kind of mess am I about to get myself into? I need to be prepared." She put on an obvious fake smile and fought back a yawn as she spoke.

"Well hello to you too, Rachel" he greeted her with a warm sarcasm and nodded in the opposite direction of her as he slide a pair of keys across the bar at her. "I don't want to feel responsible if the King of New York goes out and gets himself arrested or killed. Started making his Jack and Cokes just Coke about two hours ago but he's still pretty wrecked. Took me hell and high water and a little bit of trickery to get those from him." The man made a slight face and nodded his head in the opposite direction of Rachel. "Blonde's been sitting next to him for hours, don't think she's anything to worry about. She's been trying to feed him drinks all night he hasn't shown the first bit of interest." He stopped and shot her a bit of a playful grin as he tilted his head towards her and gave a slight laugh, "Know all kinds of interesting things about you after tonight though."

Rachel's eyes narrowed as she let out a groan, "I'm not in the mood Karl." She remarked as she grabbed the keys and glanced across the bar at Finn. "Really not in the mood," she sighed as her voice softened.

"I get it," he nodded and then shrugged. "Just get him home safe and without any injuries. And tell him he owes me playoff tickets for having to piss you in order to get him home."

"Will do, and thank you." She answered softly as she sucked in a breath and flipped her hair as she drew her shoulders back as she made her way over to Finn. His hands were moving aimlessly around as he was speaking not really at the girl that sat next to him, it looked more as if he was just speaking into the air. Rachel drew a shaky breath to prepare herself for the fallout as she approached him putting her hand on his shoulder and pushing his drink away as she stepped directly in between him and the blonde girl that sat next to him. "It's time to go home Finn." She said firmly as she planted her feet.

"Rachel," Finn slurred as he looked over at her blinking several times. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm taking you home, you've obviously had enough to drink and you have a team meeting in roughly eight hours. It's going to be bad enough if you show up with a hangover. I can only imagine what's going to happen if you show up drunk, so you're going home." She took another hard breath as she felt an unfamiliar hand on her shoulder which she quickly shrugged off as she snapped around in the direction of the girl sitting next him.

"We were in the middle of a conversation," the blonde woman harshly stated as she tipped her head in towards Rachel.

"That you may have been but that conversation is now over because he's going home." Rachel remarked and pulled on Finn's arms, his drunken stupor causing him to nearly fall off the bar stool. "Come on Finn, it's time to go home."

"She always has been controlling," Finn mumbled as he straightened himself out. His words weren't lost to Rachel; in fact they lit a fire inside of her that she had been trying to hold back since she'd left her apartment.

"Controlling? I came to a bar at three in the morning to make sure your drunk ass gets home in one piece and I'm controlling? If you want me to not care Finn then just say so, because I can easily go back home and go back to bed and you can miss your team meeting or get a DUI and ruin your career or worse if that's what you want." She spit out and turned on her heels as she started for the door. If they were going to fight the last place Rachel was going to do it was going to be in public. That was the absolute last thing either of them needed, and if they were going to even attempt to work on their relationship they certainly didn't need any more news reports about their personal lives. So Rachel did what she did best and staged a storm out.

"Do you always have to be so dramatic Rachel?" He called out stumbling as he tried to catch up with her.

"I am not being dramatic this time Finn," she said as she pulled her coat tighter around her and flagged for a cab. "Believe it or not I'm trying to not be dramatic. So let's get in the cab and go home. Please." The anger in her tone softened as she looked at him. All she really wanted to do was go back to his apartment curl up in his bed and fall asleep in his arms and forget the last month had ever happened. She knew that wasn't possible, she knew that there was so much to figure out. For her to figure out. Finn's words to her earlier in the evening had all been true, it wasn't him who needed to prove anything or figure anything out, it was her and she knew that. But when he was standing in front of her, when it was just the two of them she could pretend like nothing else in the world mattered. Rachel hated the fact that he was drunk and that no matter what happened they weren't going to make any progress on anything that night. But she wasn't going to give up on him, she never had before and she was never going to. And that's why she had left her apartment to come get him, to stop him from doing anything stupid that may affect the future they may or may not be having together. She watched as Finn exhaled a deep breath into the cold night air.

"Fine," he simply said as he opened the door and got into the cab.

Xxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Rachel had been gone by the time Finn's alarm went off the next morning and to be honest with himself, he couldn't even remember if she had stayed after she'd gotten him inside his apartment. He'd woken up with a pounding head, a dry mouth and less than two hours before he needed to be at a team meeting. A team meeting that had ended with him sitting in Coach's office nervously awaiting whatever lecture his coach was about to give him. Which by the tone of the man's voice when he told Finn to meet him in the office wasn't going to be any kind of praise.

"Page six," Coach said as he slapped the newspaper down into Finn's lap. "New York Jets quarterback and actress girlfriend getting into a fight at a bar. Thought you learned your lesson Hudson."

"Coach I…" Finn paused looking for words to explain the night before but he didn't have any, he was as shocked by the article as his coach had been. He wasn't even sure how the hell the story had ended up in the paper so quickly; it had to have been three in the morning by the time Rachel had shown up in the bar. But what he did know was he screwed up and he knew that without a doubt. Going out to a bar and getting completely shitfaced after seeing Rachel wasn't his finest moment and at this point ranked up there with one of his worst decisions ever.

"Don't explain. You're a good kid Hudson. But you're just that a kid. And I'm seeing it more and more these days. A team needs someone who can be a leader on and off the field. And I think you're perfectly capable of that when you're heads in the right place. But your head hasn't been in the right place for weeks. I don't care anymore what's going on with you and your girlfriend. I do care that you're making this team and more importantly yourself look bad. You're on the bench this week, and I don't want to see you at practice until Thursday. We'll make up a minor injury that keeps you out of practice and tell the media we're resting you this week. You got this week to figure out if you can be the kind of leader this team needs. You tell me you want it all, well you'd better figure out if you really want it all because that," he said pointing to the newspaper. "That is not the way to get it all. Now go home."

Finn nodded as he stood up, "I'm sorry," was all he could manage to come up with as he quickly made his way out of the coach's office.

One news broadcast had changed his whole life. Finn had gone from a man whose world was at his finger tips, to a man whose world had been reduced to rubble. It had been bad enough when things with Rachel were blown to hell, now his career was in jeopardy, and he felt like he was stuck in a city where there was no one he could really trust anymore. Lost didn't even begin to describe how Finn Hudson felt as he made his way out of the team's training facility. Everything he'd ever worked for was slipping away and he didn't know how to get his grip back. He had no idea where to even start because he hadn't asked for any of this, but he wanted his life back. Finn wanted to be the quarterback and have Rachel and feel like he was on top of the world again just like he had once before, just like he had at the beginning of the season and in high school. High school, the words radiated in Finn's mind for a moment as the realization of where he could start to regain his grasp on his life hit him. He needed someone to talk too, someone who could set him straight, and he knew exactly where he could find someone like that. He could find someone like that in Ohio.


	14. Chapter 13

"Well you sure managed to fuck this one up good now didn't you? Sounds like you need a better P.R. rep, or better yet a fulltime baby sitter." Kurt Hummel quipped at Finn, as he pulled another shirt from the closet and made a disgusted face as he tossed it onto the bed shaking his head. "Ewww - and on top of a better P.R. rep and a baby sitter you also need a full time stylist. I've seen your post game interviews and seriously I thought I had taught you more about how a high profile figure you dressed. But apparently it all went in one ear and out the other just like everything else I've ever tried to tell you."

Finn groaned and flopped back onto the bed in his old bedroom at Burt and his mom's house. "I didn't come home for a lecture, Kurt," he mumbled into a pillow.

"Well then why did you come, Finn? Because I can tell you that as great as personal stylist to NFL Quarterback Finn Hudson would look on my resume, I didn't drive all the way back to Lima from Chicago on a Tuesday when I have a graduate level merchandising final on Thursday." Kurt looked down at Finn on the bed before he grabbed another shirt from the closet and tossed it at Finn's feet, the pile getting larger with every item Kurt looked at. Finn was pretty sure if left up to Kurt almost every piece of clothing he owned would end up in a Goodwill bin.

"I don't know. I needed to get my head on straight and that's impossible to do in a city where everyone wants something from you and the one person who doesn't…"

"- is Rachel Berry, and you have a notorious history of making really horrid decisions when it comes to Rachel Berry. That certainly seems to be repeating itself right now." Kurt's condescending tone wasn't lost on Finn, but, in a way, Kurt was right so for the moment Finn just went with it and gave him a nod in acknowledgement. "I'm not going to sugar coat this, Finn, I have better things to do and you didn't come here to have another person feeding you what you think you want to hear. I've been listening to you drone on for the last two hours about Rachel and everything that's happened and frankly - if you want me to be honest… Rachel was right when she broke up with you the first time: she can do better."

Finn's eyes went wide as he shot up from the bed, giving Kurt a look of hurt and confusion, "What?"

"Well, you are kind of pathetic right now. You're whining and droning on about how hard your life is when there are people who would kill to be in your shoes. The man lying here in front of me isn't good enough for anyone, let alone someone who's going to meet Rachel's standards." Kurt stopped and pointed to a picture on the desk, one of Finn and Rachel during their senior year of high school. "That guy - that guy was confident and happy and he didn't tuck his tail between his legs and run away at the first sign of trouble. That guy is the kind of guy who's good enough for Rachel. But you haven't been that guy in a long time and we both know that." Kurt tossed the pair of slacks in his hands down on the bed and tilted his head at Finn.

Finn drew in a deep breath and stared at the picture for a moment, his eyes drifting off as he lost himself in the memory of the picture, almost drowning out Kurt altogether. "I was that guy again for a little bit," he mumbled softly.

"Well you're going to have to be him again if you want to fix any of this. Otherwise you're going to throw your entire life away. I'm not Rachel's biggest fan, nor will I ever be, but I can say that I did eventually grow to like her some… She's good for you Finn." Kurt pressed his lips together and shook his head as he looked down at the pile of clothing at Finn's feet. "Now are we done analyzing your latest collision with Rachel Berry, because we have a much larger hurdle to jump and it comes in the form of your wardrobe?"

Finn snapped his gaze away from the picture Kurt had pointed at and glanced down at the pile that had collected at the foot of his bed. Kurt hadn't exactly given him any of the answers he was looking for, but those kinds of answers had been exactly what he was looking for. And if nothing else he'd made him think about a few things he would have never thought of otherwise. Finn nodded and gave a soft laugh, "Yeah, we're done. Let's go." The least he could do was let Kurt take him shopping.

Xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx

Rachel knew she was being stubborn. She knew that she was just as capable of picking up her phone and calling Finn, as he was of picking up his to call her. Maybe she was even more capable because she didn't have a busy NFL quarterback's schedule. But she didn't feel like she should be the one to wave the white flag in this instance - not that she had ever really been the one to wave the white flag with Finn, and there were probably several times when she should have but this as far as she was concerned certainly was not one of them.  
She might have once again been the one who disappeared from his apartment before he had a chance to wake up but she wasn't the one who'd gone out and gotten wasted then attempted to start a fight at the bar. She wasn't the one who'd gotten her name thrown in the gossip column once again. And she certainly wasn't the one who'd gotten some mysterious injury and ended up on the bench. But she couldn't say that she didn't feel at least partial responsible when she heard the rumors flying about how his benching was due to a team issue and not an actual injury.

But that had been two weeks ago. Two weeks without so much as a text message to at least let her know everything was okay. Though clearly he was okay because he had been back on the field throwing the football and winning games. Talking to the press with that half smile and goofy stammer that melted her heart every time she heard it.

"Ugh," Rachel groaned as the late news began to re-air yet another post game interview with Finn. All she wanted to do was figure out how she could once again avoid all sports media outlets in New York City, and as long as Tina continued to spend nights at Mike's apartment rather than Mike spending nights with them Rachel didn't think it would be all that difficult to do again. In her mind she started to draw up a plan on exactly how she could manage, only to have her thoughts interrupted by a light knock on the door.

"One second!" She raised an eyebrow as she stood up slowly and straighten out her pajamas. At this late an hour she wasn't expecting any company but she hadn't had to buzz anyone up so the only logical explanation was that Tina had forgotten her key. Rachel threw the door open and a soft gasp fell from her lips as her eyes shot open in shock. "Finn?" His name came out as a question despite the fact that he was clearly standing in front of her.

"Sorry I didn't call - I didn't think you'd answer.… let alone want to see me." He pressed an unsure half smile at her and as soon as he did Rachel felt all the anger and annoyance she'd felt only moments earlier melt away.

"Can we talk? Like without any yelling or demands…" Finn paused as a shaky nervous breath left him, "can we just talk?"

Willpower was never something she had ever really had when it came to him. And the sad defeated look on his face made her want to reach out and hold him until the world around them just ceased to exist. But the only thing she could will herself to do right then was accommodate his request. "Come in," she said softly as she tucked her hair behind her ears and pushed the door open. Rachel closed the door and leaned back against it as she watched Finn quietly sit down on her couch, hunching over and giving her a sad half smile.

"Sorry I haven't called, it's been a rough couple of weeks," he said hoarsely and cleared his throat as he gave her a shrug and took a deep breath. "And I'm sorry about what happened at the bar… and the article in the paper… and the photographer that's been hanging out around your block and…" he paused and snorted out a slight scoff, which was clearly directed at himself and the situation. "And I'm just sorry for everything that's happened recently. Rach, how did everything get so…"

Rachel studied his face as he paused; she could see his eyes searching for the right word to describe the situation they'd been thrown into. "Screwed up?" She finished for him softly with the only phrase she could come up with to even begin to explain what had happened to their situation. When his head nodded in agreement she knew that for the first time in a long time they were on the same page in their thinking.

"Yeah, screwed up - how did everything get so screwed up? I mean we were happy and everything was fine and then the next thing I know it's like someone pulled a damn rug from under my feet… No, scratch that - it's like I just got a surprise slushy facial." His choice of words were a clear attempt to make her smile, and under different circumstances, in a different situation during a different conversation it might have worked. But right then all it did was make the answer to his question even clearer.

"There's your answer, Finn. We're not sixteen anymore…" A heavy sigh came out as Rachel closed her eyes and wrung her hands together for a moment. "We're not sixteen anymore. Things aren't easy and we can't just build our lives on dreams that are years off in the distance. When I was sixteen I never thought it would actually be hard to make it. I never thought I'd actually have to work at it. Even after I moved here last year I still expected that stardom would come easy, that it would all just fall into my lap. It's been a reality check for me. Humbling to say the least. And there's still no doubt in my mind that I'm going to make it but I've certainly had to change my approach. And you," she stepped forward again, this time reaching out and running her fingers through the side of his hair. "When you were sixteen all you wanted was to not be a Lima Loser."

"I never expected any of this. The money, the recognition, the responsibility. It all just fell into my lap and there sure as hell isn't exactly an instruction book on how to handle it." His head shifted against her hand as if he was trying to stop her touch from leaving him. "I dragged you into a mess you didn't ask for and expected you to know how to handle it, when I didn't."

"I'm not entirely innocent in all of this either, Finn. I didn't try to prepare myself, I knew what I was getting into and instead of trying to prepare myself I made you try to shield me from it and that wasn't fair either. I'm really not sixteen anymore," she ended with a slightly sarcastic scoff.

"No you're not; sixteen-year-old you would have never admitted any blame… Well, you might have to me, in private… like we are right now." Finn's attempt at lightening to situation with a bit of humor was met with a soft laugh and a cheerless smile, "Where do we go from here? How do we fix this?"

"I don't know Finn, I love you. I do but…" her voice cracked as hints of tears started to form in her eyes. It was like she could feel her heart breaking, a physical pain forming in her chest and a familiar one at that. One she had felt years ago when she broke up with him for what she considered his own good. Rachel had never thought she would ever have to go through that again; she wasn't prepared for how badly it would hurt the second time around. "I know that you can't afford to have your career screwed up. And I can't afford to have my name in the gossip columns again." She pressed her eyes closed to fight back the tears, she wasn't going to lie to him this time and it was just making the hurt worse. It took her a hard swallow to choke back a sob before she could continue on, "Maybe we don't fix it. Maybe we don't try. Maybe we take a break. You're in the playoffs - you've got at least another month of games ahead of you that you need to focus on. And I've got a workshop that opens at the end of January I need to focus on. So maybe right now we don't try to fix anything. Finish the season, Finn, focus on football, not me. And by the time the season's over and everything has died down, my play will have opened and we can see where we are then."

His lips curved into the half smile that always melted her heart, even when it read bittersweet. His eyes were lost in thought; she knew he was looking for a better solution than the one she had just given him. Hell, she wanted him to come up with a better solution than the one she'd just given him, one that took them back to August when they were lying in his bed making the crazy agreement that ended up blowing up both of their worlds. But when he stood up from her couch and leaned down to softly kiss her cheek; she knew he didn't have one. Her eyes slipped closed as his lips lingered a bit too long and she fought every fiber in her to keep from taking all of her words back as he nodded and put his hand on the door knob. "Guess this is I'll see you around," he said, his voice barely above a whisper as he looked back and made eye contact with her one last time as he lingered against the door frame.

Rachel knew that he was giving her a chance to stop him, that he wanted her to stop him as much as she wanted to stop him. But she had let him go for his own good once before, and somehow she could find the strength to do it again. With a breath of courage she smiled softly at him, "See you around, Finn." The door was barely closed before the tears started falling from her eyes.

Xxxx

The conversation hadn't gone how Finn had expected it to at all. Everything was supposed to be better after they talked. In his mind talking to her like adults was going to fix everything. They were supposed to come up with a solution that put them back to together. Not one that put them farther apart. Not one that took her completely out of his life. He ran his hands down his face as he climbed into the cab, fighting off the urges to punch something and cry at the same time. Quickly he rattled off his address to the cab driver before the man turned the radio up and Finn leaned his head back against the seat as he listened.

"_All you need is love it a lie cause we had love but we still said goodbye. Now we're tired battered fighters…"_

Finn's eyes shot open as he absorbed the words blaring through the speakers. Words that struck a direct nerve within his heart. "Excuse me, could you turn that down for a moment?" He pointed at the radio as he pulled his cell phone out, scrolling through his contacts as he waited for the music to be lowered. For a moment he considered simply sending a text message, something that couldn't be overheard. But at this point there wasn't much to be overheard that wasn't already public knowledge. It didn't matter though because by the time his mind was done racing with a thousand ways to say what he needed to say he was standing in his apartment looking at the New York skyline. He thought about how the first time he'd looked at this apartment he'd looked out at the skyline and thought about how much Rachel would love the view. At that time it had been three years since he had spoken to her and he bought an apartment because he knew it would be the kind of place she would love. Like he was investing in a future he'd lost and wanted back. His eyes turned down to his phone and his fingers hit the call button before he had a chance to talk himself out of it, not sure if he wanted her to pick up or if he would rather just get her voice mail.

"I thought we just agreed…" She answered, her soft voice making it completely obvious to him that she was trying to hide the sound of tears.

"You never backed out of our deal. And I'm not going to let you. I've told you before I don't give up that easy," he said, cutting her off with a clear, firm tone. A tone that he knew would get his message across, a tone filled with confidence. "I'm still going to win the Super Bowl, Rachel. And the deal still stands. I just wanted you to know that. I love you. Night, Rach." His voice had gone soft by the time he finished and for a split second he thought about hanging up his phone before she had a chance to say anything back. But it was a split second too long.

"Goodnight, Finn." As he hung up the call Finn smiled to himself - because Rachel's voice may have been barely above a whisper, but that whisper held the loud and clear sound of hope that rang in Finn Hudson's ears.


	15. Chapter 14

Finn didn't give up that easy. But he had heard what Rachel said and he had understood what she meant when she told him that essentially they were just trying too hard to make it all work out the way they wanted it too. So he let there be space between them, as best he could. And he threw himself into football. He threw every ounce of his energy and hid drive into getting the Jets to the Super Bowl. And it paid off; he started playing like he had been playing when the season started. Like a man possessed, like a man with a mission. Like a man with someone to prove. Before he knew it they were in the playoffs and everything was paying off in ways he'd never even imagined.

As soon as he put his foot in the locker room Finn's ears were met with a barrage of cheers and chants, it was all he could do not to blush and start stumbling over words. The words they yelled at him still sounded foreign like they should belong with someone else's name and not his. But the title was now his and it was something that was going to be associated with him for the rest of his career. Finn knew that from now on announcers weren't just going to call him Finn Hudson; he was going to be Finn Hudson, NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year. And he hadn't quite had enough time to wrap his head around it yet, nor was he going to have the time to wrap his head around it before he had to get on the field and play. So for now he acknowledged the cheers and chants of his teammates with a simple humble shrug like it was nothing big. Which he knew wasn't true it was the biggest thing that had ever happened to him.

"I'm proud of you Rookie," Dustin grinned down at him as they began to suit up for the game that lied ahead.

"Yeah, let's get through this game before any more praises are sung. Rookie of the Year wasn't even a goal on my radar."

"Well then you should be pretty pleased with yourself."

Finn drew and held his breath for a moment before releasing it in a long drawn out sigh and nodding, "I am. But I can't focus on that right now. I have to put everything else aside and play this game because this game counts more than any other game I've ever played. So right now everything else is on the backburner. Rookie of the Year, Rachel's show opening tonight…"

"Wait," Dustin quickly cut him off and tilted his head, "Song Bird? I haven't heard her name in a while. I didn't think you two were…"

"We're not… Technically together right now. But that doesn't mean I don't care. And it doesn't mean that everything doesn't still revolve around her. Doesn't mean that I don't wish I could be at her show tonight cheering her on, watching her impress the hell out of everyone in that theatre the way I know she's going too." He let out another sigh and pulled his jersey on over his head. "But right now I can't focus on that. We got a game to win, we're two steps away from everything I've ever worked for and… Right now that's the only thing that needs to matter."

"You don't believe that. I can hear it in your voice. Not that I don't think you want to win this game as badly as any one of us do. But you're not trying to convince me that nothing else matters, you're trying to convince yourself because I can hear in your voice that you'd rather be watching your girl tonight then playing football. But you're gonna go out there on that field and you're going to win this game. And you're going to do it because you're a damn fool in love and you don't really believe that nothing us else matters, you know there's something else that matters and you've got it riding on your games. And if that wins us a fucking Super Bowl, then I don't give a shit how or why we get there just that we get there." Dustin gave Finn a smile and shook his head. "Come on Rookie of the Year, you got a game to win and a girl to impress."

"If only it were that easy."

Xxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

December came and went almost so fast that Rachel barely noticed it until January. But Finn left small reminders of himself throughout the month. A phone call on her birthday, the pink bowling ball that showed up on her doorstep Christmas day, and the text message New Years Eve while she was lying in her bed alone watching the ball dropped alone that read "This is my last New Years without you." She didn't want to admit to herself that the staying away from him, that the letting things be was harder than she'd ever imaged it would be. Harder than it'd ever been before. She didn't want to admit to herself that she'd fallen more in love with him than she'd ever been but she had and she knew that. So instead of acknowledging it and giving into the temptation she threw herself into her work. Rachel Berry was a star in the making and she was about to break out with this show, she just knew it. And though it may have seemed selfish, Finn had been right she needed to prove that to herself.

Rachel closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she looked at herself in the mirror. She knew the lines, the notes and everything she needed to know to go on and blow the critics away. Her eyes turned from the mirror to the small radio that sat on the dressing room table and listened as the announcers voice started naming off the Jets starting lineup.

"At Quarterback, Finn Hudson, newly named NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year." Rachel closed her eyes and released a sigh as she pictured him running onto the field. It was a big night in both their lives. Her show was opening to the press, and Finn was playing in the divisional round of the playoffs. Huge moments that they wouldn't be sharing together. Moments that even if they weren't together they still wouldn't be sharing together. She opened her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror trying desperately to shake his image from her mind.

"This is why," she whispered to herself in the mirror unsure of who she was actually trying to convince with her words. "And you don't need him to do it." She told herself and then shook her head, the feeling that the only person who truly mattered wasn't going to be in the audience. She wondered for a moment if he even knew her show was opening, not that it mattered because he had his own things to focus on. For a moment she thought about pulling out her phone and sending him a text message but she knew that the game would be over by the time he got it so anything she said at this point was rather futile. She wasn't going to be there to run onto the field and hug him if he won, or rub his head and console him if they lost. Not that she thought there was any chance they would lose. The Jets had been on a hot streak going into the playoffs and Finn had been playing like a man on a mission. She saw it in his eyes every game she watched. And she knew what that mission was, he wanted to win the Super Bowl it was what every player in the NFL wanted and it was what she wanted for him. Not for them, not for their future, not so they good make good on some silly agreement. She wanted it for him, so the entire world could see what she had always seen, that Finn Hudson was something special.

Rachel blew out another deep breath and reached over turning the small radio that was playing the game off. Finn had become the NFL Rookie of the Year and America's Quarterback. He was already a star, now it was her turn and this was her chance. She rubbed her hands against her dress and cleared her throat as she started into a series of vocal warm-ups. It was her turn to capture hearts and blow people away even if the only person that mattered wasn't going to be there cheering her on.

Xxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx

"J-E-T-S, Jets!" Cheers filled the locker room as everyone on the team filtered in and began celebrating the win that was sending them to the AFC Championship game. Finn pumped his fist in the air as they all chanted together at the top of their lungs. The celebration for them was surely going to carry over into the next day and he wasn't going to complain he had just won his first playoff game in the NFL and wanted to celebrate with his teammates and coaches and everyone else in the world that had helped him get there. An hour after the game when Finn finally managed to get to his locker and start changing the frenzy hadn't even begun to die down.

"Woohoo," Dustin wailed out as he sat down next to Finn and gave him a hard slap on the back. "Hell of a game Rookie! More win and we're in. One more win and we're in the fucking Super Bowl."

"Yeah I know, it's still kinda," Finn paused and just shook his head in disbelief at Dustin. "It's wild. I mean one more," he said letting out a heavy breath before turning back to his cell phone, his fingers texting as fast as he could trying to return messages from media personnel, college teammates and the hundred other people who had sent his praise and congratulations. Eventually he gave up on trying to read them all and just started scrolling through the names; he didn't want to admit in front of Dustin that he was actually searching to see if he had any kind of message from Rachel.

Dustin watched as Finn studied his cell phone, he let out a soft laugh through his nose and shook his head as he realized exactly what Finn was really doing. For a second he let his thoughts wander as he wondered if he had ever loved anyone like that. "Hey, the wife gave me this," he held a sheet of paper out at Finn and with a casual shrug nodded for him to take it. "I asked her before the game to make some calls… It's the write up on Song Bird's show that's going into the paper tomorrow. She blew them away."

Finn's eyes went from the paper to Dustin, then back to the paper. His face breaking out into an even bigger smile as he took the paper. His eyes read over it so quickly that he found himself having to say parts of the write up out loud in order for his brain to process them. "Up and comer Rachel Berry brings the audience to tears with her power house voice and superb acting that completely steals the show… yes," he says to himself as he pumped his fist out in the air for her. "That's my girl," he continued on completely oblivious to Dustin who was still standing there watching him.

"You just took a team to the AFC Championship and you're more excited that a girl you're not even technically seeing right now got a good review… You really are a fool in love."

Finn looked up from the paper the grin on his face growing wider by the second, "Maybe, but I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for that girl I'm technically not even seeing. So instead of praising me, this whole team might want to think about singing Rachel's praises too."

The look in Finn's eyes told Dustin everything he needed to know at that time. It was just a flash of a look but it had been there. A small glance of emptiness that she wasn't there with him, a small flash that said he still had something left to prove. It was a small flash of emotion that told him Finn really believed what he was saying. Dustin pressed a smile at his friend and slapped him on the back again, "Maybe you're right Rookie. Maybe."


	16. Chapter 15

Frenzy. Finn remembered describing his arrival in New York with that word. And yet that had been nothing compared to what he was experiencing right now. He was a Championship Quarterback and the Jets were on their way to their first Super Bowl in almost fifty years. Finn couldn't even begin to wrap his head around it all. The last forty five minutes were just a blur - hell, the last few months were still just a blur! His mind was so full of clutter and excitement that he didn't even remember going into the locker room and getting sprayed with champagne, let alone getting dressed. Finn ran his hands over his face and tried to compose himself as he picked the last pieces of champagne-soaked green and white confetti out of his hair, carefully discarding them as to make sure none of them ended up on the expensive suit Kurt had picked out for him to wear on this occasion. The emotions may have been overwhelming but a small grin broke out over his face and he walked to the podium and began to field questions for every direction.

"Finn!" - "Finn over here!" - "Finn!"

This was bigger than anything Finn had ever experienced, his name being yelled from all directions. He didn't know who to acknowledge or where the calls we even coming from. So he just pointed and waited until everyone died down a bit for next reporter to ask their question.  
"Finn," a petite blonde who looked vaguely familiar spoke up. He squinted his eyes and tried to figure out where he'd seen her before as she started to ask her question. "Finn, now that the Jets are in the Super Bowl, what is the status of your relationship with Rachel Berry?"  
Finn cleared his throat as he felt his stomach drop. He certainly wished he'd directed his point in another direction. Hell, he wished he'd had a direct answer to the question. But he didn't, not for the reporter and not for himself either. So instead he straightened his posture and leaned into the press mic, "No comment. Let's keep all questions related to football and not my personal life. Please." He took a glance over at his P.R. Agent as she nodded. Finn drew a deep breath and leaned back into the mic, "Next question please."  
It would be hours before the press frenzy ended, and now all Finn could think about was Rachel. He wondered if there were reporters hounding her apartment. If there were he wondered how she was handling it; if she had even watched the game and knew he was going to the Super Bowl. It wasn't likely that he was going to get a chance to check his phone anytime soon, and the chance that his voicemail would be full by the time he got to check it was even higher. So he had no choice but to shake the thought away and go back to fielding the reporters. But Rachel's presence was still there in the back of his mind. And the fact that she wasn't there with him, the fact that he wasn't sharing this moment with her left an empty feeling in the bottom of his stomach.

Xxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Rachel jumped at the light tapping on her bedroom door followed by Tina's voice as she walked in just after the knock. "Rachel, there's someone here to see you." Tina nodded her head in the direction of the living room and pushed her door open wider.

Rachel craned her neck to look up and see the tall looming figure that stood in her living room with his hands in his pockets. Her head cocked to one side as she stood up, slightly confused and wanting to make sure that who she saw was actually who she thought he was. "Dustin?" She turned his name into a question as she straightened out her clothes and made her way into the living room.

"You got it, Song Bird," he said with a soft and nervous smile. "Mind if I talk to you for a minute?" His eyes darted between Rachel and Tina.

Tina looked from Dustin to Rachel and clutched an envelope in her hands as she nodded first at Rachel, then in the direction of her bedroom. "I'll let you two talk," she said and quickly made her exit.

Rachel wasn't sure what to think, she hadn't spoken to Dustin in months - since she and Finn had first started having problems, actually, if they had ever really not had problems. So she was sure he was here on Finn's behalf, and a part of her was hurt that Finn hadn't shown up himself. "You want to have a seat? Can I get you something to drink? We have water… and wine. Those are really your only two options. But I could put on some coffee if you'd like." She offered trying to be a gracious hostess to her expected guess and not to immediately bombard him with questions as to why he was at her apartment at all, let alone at almost ten o clock on a Monday night.

"No thanks, I'm fine," he nodded as he sat down, his actions seeming hesitant almost, as if there was something on his mind he was hiding. "I'm sure you saw we're going to the Super Bowl." His words coming out soft like he still didn't believe it himself, partially because he really didn't still quite believe it.

"I saw," Rachel gave him a bittersweet smile as her eyes drifted off into her own thoughts for a moment before she continued on, "I watched the game here at home, every second of it. You guys played amazing, you all made it look so natural and easy like it was just practice and not the biggest game of the year at that point. And Finn… He was so graceful and focused." The bittersweet lifted from her smile and she was now beaming. "I'm so proud of him, his face after the game - he was so cute and confused and overwhelmed and… happy. If you're here because I didn't call it's not because I don't care. I haven't called him because I do care and I didn't want anything, not even me to get in the way of that moment for him. Because that moment is exactly everything I've ever wanted for him. That's why I gave him up years ago and that's why I'm willing to step back right now. And not let my hang-ups and my insecurities get in his way. Because he's the only person I've ever cared about more than myself."

"That's kinda why I'm here. Finn didn't send me; I didn't know you hadn't called. He's being pulled in about fifty different directions this week. I haven't even been able to get him on the phone since we all parted ways – I'll see him in a couple of days when we head down for the Pro Bowl… You know I'm a big part of why Finn ended up a Jet. I lobbied hard to get him on the team because I knew he was something special. It wasn't just how he played the game; it was like if you peeled back a couple of layers…" Dustin stopped and shook his head at Rachel, "Well, I'm sure I don't have to sell him to you. You probably know ten times better than I do. But he's a hell of a person, and a hell of a friend. And I fucked him over."

Rachel's head tilted back as she looked at Dustin in complete confusion. "What do you mean, you fucked him over? By helping him become a Jet? By helping him get his team to a Super Bowl? Finn's never done anything but speak the world of you, Dustin. He looks up to you."

Dustin drew a breath and pressed his lips together as he gave Rachel a firm and knowing nod, "You know what NFL really stands for? Not For Long. NFL, not for long - because in this league your career can be over just like that. I'm lucky I've been in this league eight years but I'm 30 and I've got a year left on my contract and then if I'm lucky and productive maybe another 3 years after that. I wanted a Super Bowl before I went out and I knew Finn could get us there." He paused and took in a harsh and heavy breath as he closed his eyes and swallowed thickly before he continued speaking. "Finn told me about you guys' Super Bowl marriage agreement, and when he did he made me promise I'd keep my mouth shut because he knew you'd be pissed. When he told me he thought he was telling someone he could trust. Someone he'd known for a while, someone who was his go-to guy on and off the field. And I should have appreciated it more. Instead I got drunk and used the information to try and impress a pretty blonde girl at a bar. And it turned out that pretty blonde girl was a freelance gossip whore who's trying to make a career for herself."

Rachel blinked at Dustin several times as she tried to process the information he was telling her, the pieces of the puzzle slowly coming together in her head, "The same blonde girl who was at the bar the night he caused the drunken scene."

"That wasn't a coincidence either, because I also told her about his first night in New York when you two sang together at that bar and he went chasing after you. I thought I was adding a romantic element to a story that wasn't even mine to tell. I should have come clean the day the first report broke and maybe you two would be… I don't know - better. But I kept my mouth shut and I fucked him over not because I was ashamed of what I did, I did it because I wanted a Super Bowl."

Despite his words Dustin's voice radiated with shame. There was a tone and a look in his eyes that was nothing but shame and regret as he turned his head to look at her, expecting a fury and a fire unmatched by anything he'd ever seen. But when their eyes locked she met his sad expression with one of her own, almost as if she felt sorry for him and not angry for what he'd done to her relationship. He watched as a tear fell down Rachel's face before he continued on. "You have every right to slap me, throw me out of your apartment, then go tell my wife I hit on girls at bars, and tell my friend what I did to him. And you should. I can't tell Finn, I want too, I tried too. After the party from our win had died down and when it was just me and him sitting in my house I realized what I'd done to him. I saw it in his eyes. He should have been on top of the world, he had everything anyone could ask for… except one thing. You. It's like he was half empty without you sharing in all of it with him. Early in the season when we all first started realizing that we really had something special in this team, Finn told me that when you broke up with him he stopped caring about anything. That after you left him his life got broken down into two categories, going through the motions or trying to prove he was good enough for you. And I saw what that looked like in his eyes for the first time and maybe it wasn't my fault but it sure as hell feels like it is."

Rachel didn't know what to say to the man sitting next to her on the sofa. She didn't even know what she was feeling right then, hurt, angry, betrayed, pity, the most solid answer she could come up with was confusion. Her head was spinning and tears were falling but she didn't even know what to feel. It took several shaky breaths before she could even open her mouth to speak. "I'm not going to tell him Dustin," she said softly and shook her head, "At least not right now. I've seen what it looks like when something like this destroys his world. Years ago I was the one to break the news of someone's betrayal to him and it blew his world apart. And I did it for purely selfish reasons, and if I tell him now I'll be doing it again for purely selfish reason. So I'm not going to tell him. You are, when you're ready to tell him. Maybe that won't be for years and maybe everything will eventually work out between us and you can tell him this story of how you showed up here to save our relationship. He's the most loyal and forgiving person I've ever known, so you're going to be the one to tell him. Just like you came here to tell me. But you need to leave. Because if I have time to process this and anything I'm feeling right now comes to the surface, I don't want you to still be here."

Dustin nodded as he stood up from Rachel's sofa and made his way towards her front door. Stopping as his hand hit the door knob he turned around to look over at her. "He can do it without you. He may not believe that yet, but I know it and I know that you know it… But Rachel, he shouldn't have to."

Those were the words he left to echo in Rachel's thoughts as she sat alone on her sofa unable to even think about moving. Unable to regain composure, unable to process anything, unable to even think. All she could hear were Dustin's last words to her, 'he shouldn't have to." She clinched her eyes shut to fight back tears and pulled her knees up against her chest, slightly rocking herself for a moment trying to calm down, not even noticing that Tina had come out of her room and was holding an envelope out at her.

"I take it whatever Dustin had to say wasn't good?" Knowing that she was practically stating the obvious, Tina supressed a sad smile as Rachel looked up at her with red eyes. She reached out holding the small manila envelope out for Rachel to take. "I don't know what he had to say; I made it a point not to listen - you can tell me whenever you're ready to talk. But he said to give this to you after he left. With a message he said to tell you when I gave it to you, that you shouldn't have to, either."


	17. Chapter 16

Rachel ran her finger around the rim of her wine glass and sighed as she turned her attention to the next singer stepping stage. She hadn't really felt like going out but her costars insisted that everyone go out to celebrate the fact that their show had sold out for the entire third week of its run. And when they suggested karaoke would be a good way to celebrate she knew she was going to end up at this bar. Her bar, the one bar that had been her bar until Finn had found her here. Finn, who she hadn't been able to stop thinking about since the night Dustin had visited her. Finn the man who had imposed himself back in the fore front of her life just like he had when she was fifteen. The events of that evening he'd found her there still a blur of emotion in her mind even months later. It was the same bar she'd come to pick him up and bring him home from his drunken stupor. A night that seemed to seal the fate of their impending doom as a couple. The tragedy that would always be her and Finn as far as she was concerned. For a small time she might have let herself believe that they might have worked in the long run, but realistically she knew that in real life the freak doesn't get the popular boy, the superstar actress and the quiet bookstore owner would never actually work out, and neither will the selfish struggling actress and the humble heart stealing Quarterback. Rachel sighed yet again, a took a small sip of her wine as they clapped for the next singer on stage, the tune of the song unfamiliar but the lyrics resonated with Rachel as she listened trying to ignore the images of Finn that flashed forward in her mind. She wondered how he was, if he was nervous, if he was pacing or sleeping. The game tomorrow was the biggest day of his life and as much as she didn't want to admit it to herself she wanted more than anything to be a part of that with him.

With him, she thought to herself again almost as if the words were a revelation. She didn't want to be a part of it for herself or her own benefit she wanted to be a part of it with him. Deep breath left her as she closed her eyes and stopped fighting the images that were following forward. Images of his smile, moments they'd share in high school. The first time she'd heard him sing, all the way to winning nationals together. He had always been a part of her success and now that he wasn't it felt… empty. The image of his smile as he awkwardly talked to the press after winning the AFC Championship flashed forward and she let her mind narrow in on the look in his eyes.

"_Do the things that you always wanted to without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do."_

Rachel opened her eyes as she sighed at the melancholy lyrics that seemed to express exactly how she had felt those years ago when she'd broken up with him. Words that seemed to express the emotion she still held inside her heart. With another small sip of her wine she let her eyes drift looking down at her purse hanging off the chair and seeing the corner of the envelope Dustin had left with her peaking out.

"_More than anything I want to see you go take a glorious bite out of the whole world."_

The words struck another chord with her as she let her eyes fall closed again only to see Finn face. Her mind bombarded with memories of him. A flash of him holding up his draft jersey, followed by a flash of the first time she sang with him in Glee club. Another scene of him standing up and clapping louder than anyone in the audience the first time he'd come to see her perform after he was in New York, and then a flash of his eyes when he sang with her in that very bar. "Oh my god," she said softly to herself as she reached down and pulled the envelope out and studied it for a moment. It had been given to her with for a reason. For a purpose. Not just for her to pine over as it sat in her purse. "Oh my god," she whispered to herself again as she dug money from her purse and throw it on the bar. "I have to go." She said quickly to one of her co stars quickly standing and putting her purse around her shoulder.

"Rachel where are you going?" By the time he's called back all he could see was the bar room door falling closed as she rushed out. "Where the hell is she going?" By the time those words left her co-stars mouth Rachel was already on the street hailing a cab.

Xxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx

"This league is a war. Every time you step out on to that field you have your armor on and you're prepared for another battle in the war. And today you boys went out there and you fought for 60 minutes you fought and never once did I see even a glimmer of quit in any of your eyes. You may not have won out there but you certainly didn't lose by my standards. Quitters are losers and never once did any of you quit. I'm proud of you boys. I've watched you go from individuals to a team, and I've watched some of you go from boys to grown men." The coach's words boomed throughout the locker room as he gave each of them direct eye contact during his post game speech, his gaze stopping on Finn as he said the phrase 'from boys to grown men.' Finn knew the comment was directed at him. He knew this was the consolation prize speech. The keep your spirits up I'm proud of you not all hope is lost after this loss speech. The speech that was supposed to make them all pick their heads up and make themselves better for the next season.  
But none of that mattered to Finn. He was inconsolable at that moment. Every insecurity he had about himself came crashing down the moment the last second ticked off the game clock and the New York Jets weren't the World Champion Super Bowl winners. He knew it was irrational to blame himself but that's all he could do. As he sat their listening to the coach and the guys around him talk all he could do was replay the game in his head picking out moments where he could have made a better throwing decision, been more accurate with his down field pass, or gotten rid of the ball quicker. It didn't matter to him that it was a team sport and a team effort. It didn't matter to him that the list of rookie Quarterbacks that go to the Super Bowl was a short one and his name was now on it. He wanted it to be on the winners list. Finn had pinned his entire future on that game, something he didn't even fully realize until he'd lost it. And that was going to take him some time to digest. And it wasn't going to happen right away. He had a feeling he'd still be nursing these wounds come time for training camp. A heavy sigh left his lips as he looked at the two outfits that hung in his locker. Kurt had carefully selected them the night before, one for a win and one for 'just in case,' as Kurt had put it. As the locker room started to clear out he reached for the latter outfit and slowly started to dress himself, trying to prepare himself to face the press trying to figure out what he would say other than the stereotypical 'we got out played' response.

"Hey," Dustin slapped him on the shoulder and shook his head at him. "Get that head up Hudson, you don't have the first reason to hang it. You played like a vet out there and if I see you hang your head again I'm personally gonna make sure it's painful for you to do so."

Finn forced a smile at his friend and straighten up his posture a bit, "It sucks that's all. I wanted to win so bad." A heavy breath left him as he tried to seem like he wasn't about to cry, letting his head drop into his hands for a moment. "I feel like I let everyone down. If I had been more of a leader, if I hadn't let my personal life affect the team, if I…"

"…If you what? Knew that they were gonna play a 3-4 defense we weren't expecting? If you had been on the defense to stop them from running all over us? We went into this game as a team and we lost this game as a team. But we're not loser, and you're not a loser. You took a team to a Super Bowl for the first time in 49 years. You don't think that's a fucking accomplishment? This is my 9th year as a Jet so I can tell you as well as anyone that we couldn't have done it without you. Pick your fucking head up and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You've come a long way. You're not just some hick kid from Ohio, you're special, you're a fucking Superstar. Get dressed there's people waiting on you." Dustin stopped and gave his friend a grin and another slap on the back and started to make his way out of the locker room, stopping at the locker room door and pushing it open giving the figure that stood outside a nod. "See what you can do."

"Just give me a couple of minutes," Finn mumbled as he fumbled with the buttons on his shirt before he reached for his shoes from his locker hearing Dustin's voice echo against the empty walls. "I really just need a couple of minutes alone." He called back in frustration as he fought with the laces on the uncomfortable wingtips Kurt had picked out. Footsteps sounded in the room and Finn groaned, "I don't need any more pep talks," he growled without raising his head to look at who entered.

"You were amazing out there."

The voice was soft and familiar, so familiar that Finn would have recognized it in a crowd of screaming people. His head shot up and he jumped to his feet blinking several times as she came into focus. "Rachel?" Her name came out as a question, his voice full of disbelief and confusion. "How did you… I mean what are you… I mean… You have a show… I have the schedule I bought tickets to… Why are you…" He stopped at let out a breath letting his mouth hang open as he gave his racing mind time to catch up.

Rachel smiled broadly at him, and bit her lip at the baffled look on his face. She had spent the entire plane ride to Dallas rehearsing what she would say, and the last half an hour working up a big speech that she could give him. Now standing in the locker room with him it was all lost. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes ready to just let the words fall out even if they were unrehearsed and unorganized. "That's what understudies are for. You were amazing out there. You were focused and driven and special. Like I've always known you were. And you don't need a Super Bowl to prove that to anyone. You are everything I always knew you could be and I am so proud of you. So are hundreds of thousands of other people. And you should be proud of yourself." Her voice cracked as she took a step closer to him and hugged her arms around herself. "And I'm idiot. I'm selfish, and I make it really hard for people to love me and I've made it damn near impossible for you to love me. I have pushed you away every chance I've gotten because I've been scared. Terrified of you and everything you could be without me because in all honesty I've never been sure I could be something without you. And it took someone pretty much slapping me in the face for me to realize that I don't want to be something without you because without you it doesn't mean as much and…"

Finn charged forward midsentence and sharply cupped her face in his hands, "Shut up. You have always talked to much and right now you're here and that's all that matters so just shut up," he said as his face slipped into a grin and he moved down pressing his lips to hers for what felt like the first time in forever. The sensation sending tingles down his spine as he felt her relax into the kiss, tasting tears as he deepened it.

"I love you," Rachel whispered as she pulled away pressing her forehead against his, "I've always loved you." Her voice still a whisper as she put her hands over his and moved them off of his face a smile making its way through. "You didn't say anything about my shirt."

Finn looked at her confused by what was so important about her shirt as he took a step back to bring the full view of what seemed to be a gray t-shirt into his vision. His eyes scanned over it and confused her read the words softly to himself, "Super Bowl Champions New York Jets." His mouth went agape as he studied the shirt complete with the NFL logo. "Where did you get that? We didn't…" He stopped still unable to admit out loud that they hadn't won.

"You didn't? Because I could have sworn my shirt says otherwise." Rachel beamed as she grabbed the fabric to make it taunt. "We had a deal."

Finn grinned back at her, his spirit instantly lifting as he realized what the shirt she had on really meant. He didn't care that they hadn't really won. And he didn't care where or how Rachel had gotten a shirt that said they did because the meaning was so much deeper. He charged forward and enveloped her in his arms hugging her against his chest as he spun her around. "You are something else Rachel Berry. Something… special." His lips descended down onto hers again in a hard closed lip kiss before he pulled back again and shook his head. "I love you. I love you and this crazy collision course we've been on. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Not even a Super Bowl." His forehead pressed down against hers as he closed his eyes and letting out a sigh. "And you were wrong because none of this would have happened without you. It's not my spotlight, and it's not your spotlight. It's our spotlight and it always has been." He stopped his words and shook his head the joy of just having her there in his arms shining in his eyes, and the fact that hers were finally shining back at him making his heart swell. Finn let out a small chuckle and pulled back, "So new deal when you win a Tony.."

Rachel cut his words off with a kiss and laughed as she pulled away, "No more deals. We don't need anymore deals because you're stuck with me Hudson. You always have been and you're always going to be. So deal with that. Now come on, you've got to go out there and act like you didn't win the Super Bowl. Which I haven't had adequate time to coach you on but your acting skills were never lacking so…"

"Rachel, I got this." Finn laughed as he slipped his fingers into hers as he picked up his gym bag and taking her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers and grasping like he was holding on for dear life.

It wasn't the story book ending they expected when they made the Super Bowl agreement, but she was his and he was hers and neither of them cared how it happened anymore. When it all came down to it, it was fate. They were Rachel and Finn, Finn and Rachel and they were always going to collide. That's just how it was meant to be no matter how much either of them had tried fight it in the past. Their future wasn't clear cut and it was never going to be but they were going to face it together. They were going to share the spotlight no matter who it actually belonged to it was theirs and when that spotlight faded they would still have each other.

"Finn," Rachel said his name softly in a sing song voice as she reached up and ran her fingers down his cheek, "I was wrong to ever try and make you think I could do better than you because there is nothing better than you."

a/n: A bit cheesy but The End. Minus an epilogue that wraps up a few loose ends that's been written but still needs to be polished up a bit. This story's been my baby since September so I hope everyone enjoyed it. Thank everyone for reading reviewing favoriting and alerting. On to the next one which doesn't involve football…


	18. Epilogue

"This is our media room," Griffin Hudson said as he pushed the door open and lead the young girl inside, watching as her eyes scanned the room taking it all in. He drew in a breath as he looked around for a moment before following behind her.

"Wow, this room is more like a shine than a media room." Courtney remarked as she made her way over to one of the display cases. "Is that you? You look so cute." She asked as she pointed to a picture that was well above her reach.

Griffin knew what picture she was talking about before he even looked up to where Courtney was pointing. The picture was of his mother tucked into the crease of his father's left arm as he hoisted up the Lombardi trophy. Cradled in his right arm was a small wide eyes child. There was green and white confetti everywhere.

"Yep," he said as he cleared his throat and straightened up his shoulders. He'd seen that picture so many times in his life he come to wish he'd actually remembered it when it happened so he'd have a story to tell people when they asked instead of just having to answer with a shrug and tell people to ask his dad."That was Dad's second Super Bowl win. I was three. And that picture's going to haunt me the rest of my life. When I was five Haley Brennan brought her dad's copy of the Sports Illustrated to school she offered to share her snack cookies with me if I would 'autograt' for her dad. I didn't know what that really meant, but Haley was cool and you know I love cookies so I took my crayons and wrote my name and drew a star on it because that's all I could draw back then… That's pretty much still all I can draw luckily I haven't been asked to sign any pictures since I was five. I went home and told my mom about it and she freaked out so at our first open house day she made sure to bring Haley's dad a new copy of the magazine signed by my dad. Then he asked both of us to sign it. Mr. Brennan thought it was cool that he'd be the only person who had copies of Sports Illustrated signed by the entire family." Griffin had drifted so far into his memory that he didn't notice until he stopped speaking that Courtney had wandered away from him and was now reading a t shirt that was framed and mounted on the wall.

"New York Jets 2017 Super Bowl Champions," she stared at the shirt and read the words softly to herself a few more times before she tilted her head in a confused manner. "Is that a misprint? I mean my dad is a Giants fan but he loves football. It's almost all he ever talks about. So I know that the Jets went 50 years from their first Super Bowl win to their second Super Bowl win, which was in 2018, not 2017."

"Another story I've heard too many times," he laughed to himself before tapping the glass of the frame, "It's not a misprint, yes it says 2017 but it's not a misprint. When teams go to the Super Bowl they make a shirt for each team that says they won that way they can sell the shirts at the stadium directly after the game."

"Okay, I'm not sure I'm following you Grif."

"When my parents were dating they made this crazy bet that if my dad won the Super Bowl they'd get married. It caused them to break up for a while during the season actually. I'm sure there's a million other reasons why they broke up too like my mom being a crazy diva, which she totally can be. Anyway they broke up and they were actually broken up when the Jets won the AFC Championship to go to the Super Bowl. My uncle Dustin was on the team with my dad when all this was going down so he showed up at my mom's place and gave her an envelope with a plane ticket and a ticket to the Super Bowl in it. When the Jets didn't win my mom used her as she calls it 'superb acting skills' to talk one of the guys in the shop into letting her have one of the shirts that said the Jets did win the Super Bowl. Then she showed up in the locker room. They negated the bet after that but Dad actually won the Super Bowl the next year and they got married in the off season. And they've been married 18 years so obviously it worked."

"Sounds like they have a pretty romantic story. Three Super Bowls and two Tonys, and what five Drama Desk awards? Seems like you have a lot to live up too."Courtney turned around with a playful smile and ran her fingers through the side of Griffin's hair as she tip toed up to kiss his cheek before she turned her attention back to all of the pictures and memorabilia in the room. "What about this picture? It doesn't exactly fit with the rest of them. Everyone in it is so…. Young." She said softly as she picked up the picture and ran her finger tips over the frame. "Wait is that your parents?" Her finger stopped to tap the glass.

"Yea," he answered with a cocked smile and looked over her shoulder at the picture in her hands. "That was their Glee club's regionals when they were like sixteen. I've only heard that story a million times. My folks actually have a pretty romantic story about being together, then breaking up and getting back together like a dozen times. You should hear my mom tell the whole thing it includes hand motions and pacing and it's almost like watching one of her plays."

She turned around and wrapped her arms around his waist as she looked up at him completely enamored by him as she nestled her head against his chest. "So they've known each other since they were… our age…"

"Yep," he grinned down at her as he leaned down and pecked her lips. The two kids so involved in each other that they never saw the tiny shadow that stretched to the doorway.

"Rachel, stop spying." Finn whispered as he approached his wife in the hallway and wrapped an arm over her shoulder as he stopped for a moment to peek inside the room and grin a bit. "He finally brought her home to meet us huh?"

"Yea, she's cute. She's been looking at pictures and asking questions for the last half an hour. I think I'll get to tell our story at dinner and we all know how much I love having someone new listening to it for the first time." Rachel playfully poked her elbow into Finn's side.

"First time being the operative word... Is that the right phrase?" Finn questioned himself for a moment before leaning down and kissing the top of Rachel's head. "If she sticks around she'll hear the story at least ten or fifteen more times and that's if they only last six months or so."

With a smile Rachel looked up over her shoulder as she moved her hand over Finn's and gave it a small squeeze, "They scare me." She whispered softly and leaned her body into his. "We've yet to officially meet the girl but I was watching them for quite a while before you," she said and jokingly pushed her finger against his chest "Came and interrupted me. They scare me." She whispered softly as her head rested back against Finn's chest, "She looks at Griffin like he hung the moon and the stars and he looks at her…" She paused as she turned around in his arms to look up and meet his gaze with one of her own. "The way you've always looked at me."

His hands slid up her shoulders and over her neck until her face was cupped in between them, "Then he looks as her like she's the most amazing person he's ever met. Like she's something special that he'll never fully understand and he doesn't want too because not fully understanding it keeps him on his toes and makes him having to constantly strive to be a better person for her." Finn crouched down and softly kissed his wife as she wrapped her arms tightly around his torso.

"I love you. I wish there were something bigger than that I could tell you because those words are far too common to fully express what I feel but I love you." Rachel quietly whispered into his chest as she let her mind drift into memories. It didn't take a Tony, or a Super Bowl, or even an NFL draft for her to know that Finn Hudson was going to change her life. She'd known that the first moment she'd sang with him. Up until that moment she had been talented but he was the one who made her special.

"I know exactly what you mean." Finn said as he tightened his arms around her and craned his neck to peek into the room where his teenage son was still being guided from picture to picture by his girlfriend. His eyes drifted to the picture hung high on the wall of that second Super Bowl win. There was Rachel, a trophy, Griffin and wedged in between was him. He'd told his coach once during his rookie year that winning and being on top didn't mean as much unless you had it all. It might not have come easy but Finn and Rachel had it all.

A/N: The end. I hope I tied up all the major loose ends here. The story didn't go the way I had originally planned it kinda ran away with itself but it was a joy to write and I'm very sad to see it end. It's only fitting that somehow I managed to stretch it out almost to the end of football season as well. I have a new story going, The Great Indoors, and it won't be about football. Football won't even play a part in it I promise. Thanks for reading and sticking with Collide though.


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